Anything But Ordinary
by sawyerzelda
Summary: DONE Camp green lake is coed. DO U LIKE RANDOMNESS? DO YOU LIKE HUMOR! DO U LIKE ZIG ZAG! IF SO ....u may like this. it started it very seriously, but i kind of turned into this random thing...EPILOGUE ADDED! YAY! plz r&r!
1. The New Kids

my friend Elise is being a butt. that's b/c she's not updating her fanfic. soooo, i have decided to write my own Holes story. of course, i hold her in the upmost respect, and i recommend her stories to everyone. her fanfic penname is Brook L. Potter.  
  
and no, i'm not just recommending her b/c she's my friend. she has talent!!!..........but she sux at spelling. jk!!!!  
  
read on!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Zig Zag grimaced as some dirt flew inside his hole. He jumped out of it, and quickly looked around him. "Who did that?"  
  
"I was just tryin' to get your attention, dude," said X-Ray. He jerked his head to the left. "Bus."  
  
Indeed, a large yellow bus was approaching the camp. Several of the other diggers stuck their heads out of their holes to try and see who was inside. Normally, there was only one rider per trip. But this time, there were--  
  
"Two!" Squid exclaimed. "I thought Barf Bag was the only guy who had to leave on account of 'sickness.'"  
  
"Nope," Armpit said. "Some gal from B-tent...or was it our own tent? D? Wow, I can't believe I forgot which she was from. I don't really fraternize with the gals much. Anywho, I think she went the same way as Barf. I think. Or maybe it was a scorpian I can't remember."  
  
Everyone tried to see if the occupants in the bus were boys or girls. Or...one and one. Mostly, it had been boys lately.  
  
Mr. Sir spat out a sunflower seed's shell as he watched the bus approach. "Still think this place ain't fit fer a girl, Ms. Walker. It ain't no girl scout camp."  
  
"Shut up," the Warden snapped. "When my grandfather was out here diggin', did he spare me because of my sex? I don't think so!! If I had to suffer, why not all the other snot-nosed girly girl criminals in this country?!"  
  
"Got a point," Mr. Sir sighed, rolling his eyes. A rather old- fashioned man, Mr. Sir often thought it wrong that girls were sent to Camp Green Lake to work for the Warden. Wasn't respectful.  
  
The bus slowly came to a stop. A boy with really curly brown hair stepped out, followed closely by a strawberry blonde girl. Both seemed a little nervous of their surroundings, as Camp Green Lake wasn't exactly as green and lakey as they had expected.  
  
Zig Zag turned around when he heard Squid whistle. "So nice to actually see a clean girl around here for once!"  
  
"What d'you mean 'clean?'" asked Squid's (girl) friend, Dude. "Aren't I clean enough for you?! You demand so much!!!"  
  
"It's not your fault you're so dirty all the time," Squid reasoned. "The shower water here is contaminated anyway, so it doesn't really help the--"  
  
Dude threw a clump of dirt at Squid with her shovel.  
  
Resting his chin on his hands, which were on top the handle of his shovel, which was stuck in the ground, Zig Zag stared as the new kids went into Mr. Sir's office.  
  
'Put her in D-tent,' he thought to himself. 'PLEASE put her in D- tent!! I hope Armpit was right when he said that's where the vacancy was...!!!!!'  
  
The tents were all large, with one section for the boys and one for the girls. They were seperated by a large divider in the middle, through which one of either sex could cross into the other...except at night.  
  
Jerking himself out of his daydreaming, Zig Zag turned around and spat in his hole. He watched Zero and X-Ray walk back to the camp. They headed towards the tent. Slowly making his way back as well, Zig Zag noticed Mr. Pendanski leading the two new kids to D-tent. YAY!!!!!!!  
  
Zig quickened his pace so he could catch up a little faster. He walked around the Wreck room, and then walked towards them, acting as though he hadn't seen them earlier.  
  
"Well, here's one of our D-Tent boys now!" Mr. Pendanski beamed, leading the newies towards Zig Zag. "This is Ricky!"  
  
Making an annoyed face, "Ricky" spat sourly into the dirt (which caused the new boy and girl to jump slightly as this unexpected reaction). "The name's Zig Zag," he said, trying to scare that other boy as much as possible (he loved intimidating kids).  
  
"They all have their little nicknames," Mr. Pendanski said.  
  
"Including Mom here," Zig Zag said, grinning.  
  
"Ha. Ha." Mr. Pendanski cleared his throat. "Well, RICKY, these are the two newest D-tent occupants: Stanley Yelnats, and Casey Street."  
  
"Hey," Casey said, extending her hand for Zig Zag to shake. He hesitated, then grasped it for a minute.  
  
"Yo Zig," Squid said, walking towards them with Dude on his arm. "Hey, Mom."  
  
"Hello Alan," Mr. Pendanski said. "Elise...I was just introducing Zig Zag to our new D-Tent residents: Stanley and Casey."  
  
"I'm Squid," said...Squid.  
  
"And I'm Dude," said...Dude. "Casey, huh? Sorry sis, the name's gonna change. Like it or not." Giving Casey a sarcastic look, Dude walked away with Squid.  
  
'How nice,' Casey thought sourly.  
  
About twenty minutes later, D-Tent were all gathered together in the tent. Mr. Pendanski asked the kids to all introduce themselves.  
  
"Armpit," said the guy Pendanski said was named Theodore.  
  
"X-Ray." (or "Rex," as far as the camp counsleor was concerned).  
  
"Magnet." (a.ka. Jose)  
  
"And that's Zero," Mr. Pendanski said, pointing to a little black kid in the corner. "That about covers it for the boys here. Girls?"  
  
"St. No-No," said a tall blonde girl (whom Mr. Pendanski called "Nora.")  
  
"Dude." ("Elise")  
  
"Starfish." ("Kathy")  
  
"I'm Ukulele Peanut," said one girl that their counselor referred to as Caroline. "Or just Peanut for short."  
  
"And I'm Eloisha," said a Korean girl that had been given a relatively normal nickname (Mr. P called her Elisha).  
  
"Well, that about wraps it up," Mr. Pendanski said, standing up and clapping his hands together once. "Now...I'm counting on all you guys to help Stanley and Casey if they want any...help." Swiftly, he left the tent.  
  
"C'mere," Starfish said, linking arms with Casey and leading her towards the girls' side of the tent. "This is where Gioia slept." She pronounced the name as Guy-oh-wy-uh. "So in other words, this is your new cot."  
  
There was a moment of silence as the girls took off their hats and held them to their chests in rememberance of Gioia.  
  
"Oh. Thanks, Kathy."  
  
Starfish's eye twitched. "Please call me Starfish. And I suggest you refer to all the guys by their nicknames. They're really sensitive about that kind of stuff."  
  
"Oh...kay."  
  
"Best be getting to bed," St. No-No advised her, getting into her own cot. "We'll be getting up pretty early tomorrow."  
  
"How early, exactly?"  
  
"Four-thirty in the morning," Eloisha answered.  
  
"Hm. Well, I guess that that way you manage to beat the sunlight. Mostly, anyways." Casey retreated to her cot and quickly fell asleep.  
  
Meanwhile, Stanley was having trouble getting someone to help him out. "Can someone please tell me where to fill up my canteen?"  
  
No one really responded. Zig Zag felt like he sould help, but he also felt it would ruin his tough image if he did so. Finally, Zero (astounding them all), muttered that there was a spigot by the showers.  
  
As Stanley headed out of the tent, the other boys stared at Zero in wonderment. It was almost one of the first times they'd ever heard him speak.  
  
"He's got skills, man," Armpit said.  
  
"Yeah, how come you never talk to us?" Squid asked, hitting Zero's shoulder in a light, friendly manner.  
  
Zero grimaced and shrugged.  
  
"A shrug. That's all we get from the genius," X-Ray sighed.  
  
Rolling his eyes, Zig Zag took off his boots and sat down wearily on his bed. He pretended to be asleep while listening to the others talk about Stanely.  
  
"How about 'Geek Boy?'" X-Ray suggested as a nickname.  
  
"I was thinkin' something like 'Geek Freak,'" Magnet said. "At least that way, it rhymes and sounds a little better."  
  
"Double E," Squid proposed. "Y'know, for Dweeb and Geek."  
  
"Give 'im a chance, guys," Zig Zag finally said, rolling over to face them all. "Just 'cause he looks like a dork doesn't mean he really is one."  
  
Crickets chirped. That was one of the first nice things Zig had ever said about someone.  
  
"I think Stan got lost," Armpit finally said after a long silence. "It's been like ten minutes or something."  
  
"Hardly," said Magnet. "And who cares if he gets lost, anyways? It'll be something of a minor loss."  
  
Feeling tired and exasperated, Zig Zag turned over to try and get some sleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 


	2. Dig It

even though no one's reading this, i like writing it. it's fun. woo-hoo.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The next morning, Zig Zag sat down at his corner of the D table. Normally, he sat alone. Sure he was friends with the others, but he really wasn't a "morning" person that chatted a lot. Not at all. Especially when he was in a bad mood.  
  
"Better steer clear of Zig this morning," Starfish muttered to St. No- No. "Doesn't look too bright and chipper to me." The two of them took seats on the other side of the table.  
  
"I really don't think orange is my color," Dude said to Squid, pinching her shirt sleeve in annoyance. "I mean I DO look nice in it, but I've never really preferred it over something else. Like...black or blue or something."  
  
"I understand completely," Squid sympathized (even though he didn't).  
  
Zig Zag looked up as someone set their tray down in front of him. "Mind if I sit here?" Casey asked, looking at him hopefully.  
  
Had it been anyone else, Zig Zag would've said "Get out of my sight you freak," but he decided to make an exception. "Sure."  
  
There was a long silence between them as they picked at their food, not really eating it. "So...." Casey finally said. "How long have you been here?"  
  
"Seems like longer than I can remember," Zig Zag muttered. "Almost as long as X. He's been here the longest of us all." He looked up at her freckled face; mistaking her for the Warden for a milli-second. "So what'd you do that landed you in this dump?"  
  
"Oh," Casey said, blushing.  
  
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Zig Zag said quickly. "I mean, if you think it's personal or something..." Girls sometimes did. Starfish had nearly broken his head with a plate when he asked her.  
  
"No, it's okay," Casey sighed. "They said that I was breaking and entering. But it wasn't really my fault! You see, I was the one who'd gotten robbed in the first place!! My ex-boyfriend stole my portable DVD player, and I went to his house to get it back."  
  
"Convienently enough, you went at nighttime, didn't you?" Zig asked.  
  
"Yes. As it turns out, I was convicted of trying to break into their house, and I was sent here. I think that creep sold my DVD player or something. But I know for a fact that he stole it!!"  
  
"I believe you," Zig Zag said truthfully. There was a pause. Casey opened her mouth to say something, then shut it and looked back down. Zig Zag grinned. "You wanna know what I did, didn't you?"  
  
"Erm...well, I was kind of just wondering..." she admitted, blushing.  
  
Leaning back in his chair, Zig Zag thought back. He felt guilty confessing this to Casey, but he didn't exactly know why. "Well...I...you see, I..." Zig wanted to lie by saying he'd been framed too, but he knew he'd feel guilty later. "I was an arsonist at one point in my life."  
  
Casey's eyes widened in shock. "You were?!"  
  
"Yep," Zig Zag sighed. "I was getting mad at the government's decision to drill in Yellowstone for oil, so I decided to burn down the local gas station." He exhaled heavily as Casey gasped. "Yeah. BIG explosion. I was deranged. Determined not to let the environment die....so got in loads of trouble for that. Now I've been sentenced to this hell hole for like three years."  
  
"........wow."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I think it's totally cool that you care about the environment so much," Casey said. "I just think that...burning down a gas station and sparking a huge explosion wasn't as civil as, say, a complaining letter."  
  
"Yeah, I know. Too late now, though."  
  
"Hey, can I sit here?" came a voice.  
  
Casey and Zig Zag looked up to see Stanley. Before either could answer, he set down his tray.  
  
"Hi Stanley," Casey said, in a voice that indicated they had known each other before coming to Camp Green Lake. "We were just talking about how we got landed in here."  
  
"Ah," Stanley said wisely, waiting for one of them to ask what he'd done.  
  
Zig Zag sighed, knowing what Stanley wanted. "What'd you do?"  
  
Suddenly, Stanley felt guilty and annoyance at the same time. "I stole a pair of shoes."  
  
Laughing involuntarily, Zig Zag threw a hashbrown at X-Ray. "Hey, X! Stanley here says he stole a pair of shoes and got sent to Camp Green Lake for it!"  
  
X-Ray laughed too. "Did you get them from a store, or were they on someone's feet when you did it?"  
  
"No, no," said Magnet. "The guy was wearin' the shoes, then he killed 'im and ran off with 'em!!"  
  
Amid howls of laughter, Stanley said, "They were Clyde Livingston's sneakers!!"  
  
"Sweet Feet's?" Ukulele Peanut asked incredulously. "Yeah, right!"  
  
"It's true!" Stanley insisted, as Zig Zag got up to throw away his trash. "But I was framed! I didn't even do it!"  
  
"I'm sure," came Zig Zag's snide remark as he came back to the table and sat down again.  
  
"You callin' me a liar?!" Stanley yelled, getting to his feet in frustration.  
  
"Yeah," Zig Zag said, standing up.  
  
It was then that Stanley realized how tall Zig Zag was. But now that everyone in the cafeteria was staring at them, he wasn't about to back down like a coward.  
  
"Yeah, I'm callin' you a liar," Zig Zag said, giving Stanley a light push. "What're you gonna do about it?" He pushed him again.  
  
"IS THAT ALL YA GOT?!?!" Stanley yelled, giving Zig Zag's arm an embarressingly feeble punch  
  
"Hey man, calm down," Magnet said, pulling on Stanley's shirt. "The last guy you wanna get in a fight with is Zig Zag."  
  
"What, are you calling me scared?!" Stanley demanded.  
  
"Kind of," said Dude. "Only idiots are stupid enough to pick a fight with Zig."  
  
"Yeah, trust me," Eloisha said, carressing her forehead. "I know from personal experience."  
  
"He's not fighting back, he's afraid!" Stanley said, throwing his fist towards Zig Zag's face.  
  
There was a pause, and Zig Zag noticed that there was blood coming out of his nose. "You shouldn't have done that," he whispered. Two seconds later, he swung his fist directly at Stanley, knocking him to the ground. Starfish went into a fit of systematic hysterical screams as Zig Zag leapt on top of Stanley and beat the crap out of him.  
  
"C'mon Zig Zag!" St. No-No said, grabbing his arm. "Let him go!"  
  
"He called me afraid!" Zig Zag shouted.  
  
"Just forget about it!" Squid said, taking his other arm and trying to pull him off of Stanley.  
  
"Hey!" said Dude, slapping Squid's arm. "I wanna watch this, let him go!"  
  
Squid let go.  
  
Out of no where, Zero flew into the scene. He landed on top of Zig Zag, who quickly turned around so that he was pushing Zero into the dirty floor.  
  
"What's going on over here??" yelled Mr. Pendanski, suddenly walking up to them in a haughty manner.  
  
Quickly, Zig Zag stood up. Zero and Stanley rolled over, both of them too weak to get to their feet.  
  
"Sorry sir," said Zig Zag. "Just a little...you know, just a fight. That's all. Nothin' too serious, sir." He quickly wiped the blood coming out of his nose in an effort to stop it. It had already ran onto his clothes, staining them.  
  
"Zig, here," Casey whispered, handing him a tissue that she'd pulled out of her pocket (always be prepared, you know). He took it and held his head back, holding the tissue to his nose.  
  
"Get up, you two," Mr. Pendanski growled at Stanley and Zero. "Now who started this whole mess?"  
  
"Stanley," Casey said quickly. "As much as I hate to say it, Sir, it was Stanley."  
  
"Yeah, he gave Zig a bloody nose," Squid continued. "So naturally, Zig Zag got all mad and tried to beat him up for it."  
  
"Then Zero jumped on Zig Zag and tried to get him off Stanley," Ukulele Peanut said, finishing the story. "And that's basically it."  
  
There was a long silence as Mr. Pendanski looked down at the floor. "All right. Since you're new, Stanley, I won't report this to the Warden. You'd all just better start digging those holes."  
  
A few minutes later, they were all out in the sun, digging away.  
  
"St. No-No, start singing something," Starfish whined.  
  
St. No-No stopped digging for a second. "Why do you want me to sing something?!"  
  
"Because I have that mining song from the Snow White stuck in my head and it won't go away!!!"  
  
"You mean the dwarf song?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I do too!" St. No-No screamed. "The digging song!! It's driving me nuts!!!"  
  
The boys weren't having too much luck, either.  
  
Stanley noticed that piles of dirt were occasionally flying into his hole. He hoisted himself up, and noticed that the boys' other dirt was flinging into his hole in progress. "Um...could you guys throw your dirt somewhere else? It's getting into my hole."  
  
"Oh, it is?" Dude asked, swinging her shovel and causing some dirt to fly in Stanley's face. "Sorry."  
  
"What's the problem?" asked Zig Zag, hitting his dirt pile with his shovel; which subsequently sent dirt billowing into Stanley's hole.  
  
"Just stop, guys," Magnet sighed.  
  
X-Ray looked over at Starfish, and nodded. Simultaneously, they jumped out of their holes. Starfish made her way towards Casey, and X walked towards Stanley.  
  
"Hey Casey," Starfish said, squatting down.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Come up here. We need to talk."  
  
Casey heaved herself out of her hole. "What is it?"  
  
Starfish smiled in an almost devilish manner. "As we both know, you're new here. But as you probably don't know, I've been here longer than all the other girls except Dude. Y'know how Mr. Sir told you if you found anything the Warden liked, you'd get a day off and all that?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"During all the time I've spent here, I have NEVER found something. So if you do, you know to give it to me, right? Because I deserve it, right? Cause I've been here longer, right?"  
  
"Um..."  
  
Casey felt that this was unfair. On the other hand, though, she probably didn't want to get Starfish mad. "Yeah. Okay."  
  
"Great," Kathy said grinning, and getting up to walk away. At the same time, X-Ray was walking away from his little "talk" with Stanley.  
  
Zig Zag noticed this, and when the water truck came, he walked over to Casey and grabbed her arm. "Don't feel like you have to listen to her," he said. "If you find something and report it yourself, it's not like she can do anything too lethal to you."  
  
"Right," Casey said, playing along. "Because we both know that she's NOT here for something illegal she did." She smirked, and Zig Zag had to grin a little. "I'm guessing that X-Ray said the same thing to Stanley...?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I think this water is contaminated," Eloisha said, staring at her canteen.  
  
"Only you would say something like that," Starfish sighed, taking off her red bandana and using it to fan herself. "Just be grateful they actually hand out the stuff at all."  
  
"But what if it has some kind of bacteria in it or something??" Eloisha asked worriedly, as Dude took a swig of her own.  
  
"What'd you get in here for, anyway?" Ukulele Peanut asked. "Tampering with government amoeba or something?"  
  
"No, it was for trying to murder Ben Savage, remember?" St. No-No said. "Y'know, the Boy Meets World Guy."  
  
"Oh yes."  
  
Eloisha glanced behind her, deciding to forget the whole conversation had even taken place. "D'you think we should go back there and try to talk to Casey? I feel bad leaving out of our little group."  
  
"Why?" Starfish asked. "She seems to be getting along just fine with Zig Zag."  
  
"Ah, young love!!" Ukulele Peanut cried, skipping giddily among the dirt. There was a short scream as she fell backwards into her own hole. Her colleagues walked over to her pit and peered down at her. U. Peanut had gotten into a very strange position: she was on her back, her arms stretching behind her head, and her legs were flat up against the wall of her hole.  
  
"............ow.........."  
  
"That's why there aren't any giddy girls here," St. No-No sighed, walking away with the others.  
  
X-Ray and Magnet watched Stanley stagger off to his hole, and resume his slouching position again.  
  
"What's with the way he walks, man?" Magnet asked.  
  
"I don't know!" X laughed. "It makes him look like a caveman!!"  
  
The two of them paused. They slowly turned to face each other, then grinned and nodded.  
  
Zero left. St. No-No left. Starfish left.  
  
Zig Zag stood up and jumped out of his hole. He turned around, and spat in it. At the same time, he saw Casey get up and do the same. She walked towards him.  
  
"Not bad for a first time," he commented.  
  
"Well, it's not really my first time," Casey said. "I had to dig all the time at home. I dug trenches to protect me from the Rottweiler next door. One might say that I have a lot of experience.  
  
Taking a swift look behind him, Zig Zag smirked. "I think Stan might be out here a little bit longer than the rest of us."  
  
"Yeah, he's not as much of a digger as I am," Casey sighed. "In case you couldn't already tell, I knew 'im before we both came here. Our moms were friends, and they tried to get us 'together.' Didn't really work out, but he still likes to think of himself as one of my nearest and dearest friends."  
  
"Ah."  
  
Well, Zig Zag knew one thing now: no competition!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
just a question no one will answer b/c no one's reading this:  
  
who do u think would be most likely 2 start a fight w/ Casey?  
  
A. Dude  
  
B. Starfish  
  
C. Eloisha  
  
D. Ukulele Peanut  
  
E. Jennifer Lopez  
  
thanx, and review......even though no one's reading this. 


	3. Jenny From The Block

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Later that day, Starfish was trying to teach Eloisha how to play pool.  
  
"It's too bad the felt is so messed up though," Kathy sighed. "It really sucks. Makes it practically impossible to play."  
  
"Isn't there supposed to be a white ball?" Eloisha asked, looking around for it. "I can only see these striped ones. Hey, there's a black one! Ooh, the lucky 8!! Is that one special, in any way?"  
  
"Yes," Ukulele Peanut answered, rolling her eyes with exasperation. The three of them went over to the couch to sit down by the other girls. They were trying to think up a nickname for Casey.  
  
"Hmm....you look kind of like Audrey Hepburn," St. No-No said, stroking her chin wisely.  
  
"No I don't!!" Casey shouted.  
  
"Don't sound so offended," St. No-No sniffed. "It's something of an extreme compliment.You can try to deny it, but you're fighting a losing battle: you simply look like Audrey Hepburn."  
  
"No I--"  
  
"Don't listen to her," Starfish sighed, clamping a hand of her St. No- No's mouth before she could speak again. "She thinks that EVERYONE looks like Audrey Hepburn. We think she's a little obsessed."  
  
"Hey girls," said Magnet, sitting down next to them. "What's up?"  
  
"Tryin' to think of a new name for Casey," Dude answered.  
  
"Oh. We just decided on one for Stanley," Magnet laughed. "He is now officially named CAVEMAN!!!!! We just told him about it!"  
  
"You can't call him Caveman!" Dude argued. "That name is way too cool to be a nickname for such a dork!!"  
  
"You miss the point," Magnet said. "Y'know how he walks all weird, and slouches all messed up, too?"  
  
"Slob," Eloisha muttered.  
  
"X-Ray and I thought it made him look like a caveman," Magnet laughed. "So that's what we named him! He thinks it's a compliment, too!! But really it's because of what a lazy lame-o he is!!"  
  
Magnet started laughing hysterically, and Dude joined in. Crickets chirped around the others.  
  
"That's very interesting," Starfish acknowedged, before Magnet got up and left. "But Casey still needs a name...."  
  
There was the sound of a car pulling up outside. As several kids went out to see who it was, there were loud screams of excitment and fan frenzy.  
  
"Who's out there?" Dude asked, getting up. "The President?"  
  
"HE'S OUT THERE?!??!" St. No-No screamed, pulling a miniature hatchet out of her pocket. "THEN HE'D BETTER PREPARE TO MEET HIS END!!!!!!! IF I GOT SENT HERE FOR TRYING TO MURDER HIM, I MIGHT AS WELL GET THE JOB OVER WITH NOW!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"It's not Bush!" Starfish cried. "It's Ben Affleck and J. Lo!!"  
  
"Ha, ha," Eloisha sighed. "Very funny."  
  
"I'm serious!!"  
  
As the D-tent girls got a closer look, they realized that Starfish was right. Bennifer was standing right in front of the wreck room.  
  
"Excuse me," Jennifer Lopez said. "But where's the lake?"  
  
"And the green?" Ben Affleck added. They looked around.  
  
"No wonder there weren't any pictures in the brochure," they both muttered. Bennifer started heading back towards their limousine.  
  
"Hey, wait!!" shouted Squid, running up to J. Lo. "Sign my forehead!!"  
  
"How dare you cheat on me!!" Dude shouted, jumping into the fray of fans.  
  
"Will you sign my arm??" Casey asked Ben.  
  
"HEY!! Are you tripping on my future husband!?" Jennifer shouted. She leapt on top of Casey in a furious fist-fight, causing a large dust cloud to form.  
  
Everyone jumped when some gunshots were fired. J. Lo and Casey got to their feet as they saw Mr. Sir and Mr. Pendanski come onto the scene.  
  
"What in TARNATION is goin' on?!" Mr. Sir shouted (a/n: don't you just love the word "tarnation?"). "And what're you flashy celebrity people doing here?!"  
  
"We're getting married, you dork!" Jennifer shouted. "But apparently, we got directions to the wrong place!! C'mon Ben, we're outta here."  
  
"Hey, hold on," Mr. Pendanski said, as Bennifer started getting back into the limo. "Will you sign my forehead, Jennifer?"  
  
Well, he got something on his forehead. Ben Affleck's fist. A few minutes later, the limo was gone into the sunset.  
  
"..................wow," Dude said after an extremely long silence. "That was REALLY weird."  
  
Zig Zag walked up to Casey. "Wow, you just got beaten up by Jennifer Lopez."  
  
"Um, yeah, I know."  
  
"No, I mean are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
Stanley made his way towards the two of them. "That was an interesting experience, wasn't it?" he asked, slapping Casey's butt.  
  
Letting out a shriek, Casey pounded Stanley (or Caveman) into the dirt. "GET OFF ME, YOU PERVERT!!!!"  
  
"Hmmm.....do those flying fists remind you of someone near and dear to us?" Starfish asked Dude.  
  
"Air," she answered, smiling.  
  
"Hey, I just thought of a nickname!" Ukulele Peanut cried. She whispered it to the others.  
  
"Okay, I think you've your revenge now," Zig Zag smirked, grabbing Casey's arm and pulling her to her feet.  
  
"You'd better never get fresh with me again!" Casey said in a sharp tone. "And I'm telling your mother about all this!!!"  
  
"Ain't good to get in a fight with the gal with King Kong palms," Eloisha said, laughing openly at Caveman.  
  
"I think it's time for dinner," St. No-No said.  
  
"Yo, Hammer," Dude said, staring at Casey. "You comin' to dinner or not?"  
  
Casey glanced behind her. No one was there. Then she realized that Dude was talking to her! "Hammer?" she asked, grinning.  
  
"Hammer; Hammer Hands," Dude said. "Either way."  
  
"I'VE GOT A NICKNAME!!" Casey called out to no one in particular.  
  
"Yeah, join the club," St. No-No said, grinning.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
well, how was that? k? short, i no, but i ain't got time fer more. sry. more soon!!  
  
btw, 2 any friends who r reading this and arent fanfic users, please click on the little box that says "Go" next to "Submit Review" on the bottom!! thanx!! 


	4. A New Vacancy

disclaimer: one of the following scenes has actions and dialogue from the epic film entitled, "Death Becomes Her." I do not own this movie, as i am not robert zemeckis. but i wish i was!!!!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I had a really weird dream last night," Starfish yawned the next day. "Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez came to Camp Green Lake." She tried to stifle another yawn, but didn't succeed.  
  
"That wasn't a dream," Dude said. "It really happened! That memory is definitely a keeper, though."  
  
"Let's not think of that right now," said Casey...Hammer. Hammer...yeah, that's what I meant. "But like...why did they come here, of all places? Why?"  
  
"Ours is not to reason why; ours it but to do...and die," Eloisha said in a deep, evil voice (followed by an evil cackle).  
  
"Die?!" asked Mr. Sir, who happened to be walking by.  
  
"Merely quoting sir," Eloisha said. "Alfred Lord Tennyson."  
  
"....oh." Mr. Sir walked away.  
  
"That's just like you, isn't it, Eloisha?" St. No-No sighed. "A juvenile delinquint who recites Tennyson."  
  
"Are you saying that's a BAD thing?" Eloisha demanded.  
  
"No," said Dude. "What's bad is trying to murder someone...six times in a row... and what's even WORSE is when you don't succeed!!!" She screamed loudly in annoynace, causing everyone to stare at her.  
  
"That's how she got landed in here," Squid said to Hammer. "By trying to murder this kid six times."  
  
Hammer gulped. That was the third person she'd met who'd been sent to Camp Green Lake for attempted murder...they made her crime seem so petty!! Not to mention Stanley's...or Caveman's, now, I guess.  
  
Armpit stared at X-Ray, who was wolfing down huge amounts of baked beans. "Hey man, watch how much you eat of that stuff...you don't want to get all fat again, y'know."  
  
"Again?" Ukulele Peanut repeated.  
  
"Yeah," said Squid. "X-Ray used to be one of the fattest kids who ever came here!"  
  
"Dude, shut up!" X-Ray fumed.  
  
"What?" asked Dude.  
  
"Not YOU, HIM!" X-Ray said.  
  
"I still remember those days," Starfish sighed, smiling and looking into space. "When I could poke you in the stomach and you wouldn't care...because you couldn't feel it with all that fat."  
  
"SHUT UP!!!"  
  
"Yo Caveman," said Magnet, as Stanley sat down. "Sup?"  
  
Stanley raised and lowered his left shoulder. "Nothin'." Thanks to Hammer, there was a large black ring around one of his eyes. He blinked and sat down next to Ukulele Peanut. His leg briefly touched hers as he sat down.  
  
"EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!" Ukulele Peanut roared, making the whole table jump. "ARE YOU GETTING 'FRESH' WITH ME, BUSTER?!"  
  
"No, I only--"  
  
"IF YOU EVER--"  
  
Ukulele Peanut was about to begin threatening Stanley, but she couldn't for one very good reason: he spontaneously combusted.  
  
"Oh MY!" Peanut gasped quietly.  
  
Everyone stared at the spot where Caveman had been. Crickets chirped.  
  
Then they all resumed eating. Caveman was a minor loss.  
  
"WHAT IN TARNATION JUST HAPPENED?!" screamed Mr. Sir, entering the scene again. "I HEARD AN EXPLOSION!!!" Instictivley, he whipped towards Zig Zag. "ZIG ZAG, DID YOU TRY TO SET OFF ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR FIREWORKS IN THE CAFETERIA?!?!"  
  
"No sir," Hammer answered. "It was Caveman. He just spontaneously combusted."  
  
Mr. Sir's angry expression softened. "Oh. Is that all?"  
  
The D-Tent kids nodded.  
  
"Oh. Okay." Mr. Sir walked back into his office.  
  
"'Dear Mrs. Yelnats,'" said Hammer, pretending that she was writing out a letter. "'Know what happened today? Stanley spontaneously combusted.'"  
  
D-Tent laughed. Dude, who was quite pleased about the whole affair, started slapping the table in an effort to stop laughing.  
  
"Hey, what'd that table do to you?" Starfish sniffed.  
  
A few minutes later, the guys and dolls (ew) went outside to get their shovels. Starfish muttered something to St. No-No; who subsequently tripped X-Ray.  
  
"YO!" X-Ray shouted, scrambling to his feet. "WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, POCAHONTAS?!"  
  
"Pocahontas?" repeated the D-Tent girls.  
  
"Yes!" X-Ray said, pointing at St. No-No. "If her hair was black, she would look like Pocahontas!!"  
  
"You make no sense, man," said Armpit, pushing past him.  
  
"Yeah, well at least I--HEY!! SOMEBODY TOOK MY SHOVEL!!!" X-Ray, inhaling and exhaling heavily, turned to see Starfish running into the horizon, laughing evilly.  
  
"HEY, COME BACK HERE WITH MY SPECIAL SHOVEL!!" X-Ray shouted, charging after her.  
  
D-Tent got their shovels and ran towards the two others.  
  
"Yo X," said Armpit. "Here!" He threw him an extra shovel.  
  
"No, I only use my special shovel!!" X-Ray whined.  
  
"Then use it to fight her!" cheered Eloisha. "It's the battle of the sexes!!"  
  
"More like battle of the shovels," muttered Ukulele Peanut, grinning. "This should be good!"  
  
"C'mon, put up your dukes!!" Starfish challenged, raising her shovel as the two began to circle each other. "C'mon!!"  
  
"Just give me my shovel, man!" X-Ray complained.  
  
"You're gonna have to fight me first!" Starfish said. "Or are you too scawed to take own a giwl, X-Way?" She laughed with Dude and St. No-No.  
  
"Why do girls always think that?!" X-Ray asked, as he and Starfish began to circle each other. "You always think that us guys are 'afwaid' to fight you!! It's time you were proved wrong!!" Yelling victoriously, he lunged at her.  
  
Starfish ducked aside, and their two shovels collided with each other. Then, the fight was on. Clang, clang, and a bonk or two as wood hit wood.  
  
"YOU SHOULD LEARN NOT TO COMPETE WITH ME, I ALWAYS WIN!!" Starfish roared, swinging her shovel at X-Ray. "POLKER, POOL, DARTS--YOU NAME IT, I'VE BEATEN YOU AT IT!!"  
  
"YOU MAY HAVE ALWAYS WON," began X-Ray, blocking Starfish's blow. "BUT YOU NEVER PLAYED FAIR!!"  
  
"WHO CARES HOW I PLAYED, I WON?!"  
  
"You'll come to see that I have a lot of talent!" bellowed X, swiping his shovel.  
  
"I have a lot more talent than you do, you former FATSO!!" Starfish screeched. In a sudden well-placed swing, she knocked the shovel out of X- Ray's hands. She cackled evilly as he looked up at her in horror. "Hello ... I am Starfish ...you didn't kill my father... prepare to die." She threw the shovel, blade-first, at X-Ray.  
  
In one amazing Matrix move, X-Ray bent backwards, and the shovel soared over his head and into the hole behind him. Then he flipped backwards and retrieved his shovel. "HA!"  
  
Starfish stood there in fascination, her arms till hanging in the position it had been in when she'd thrown the shovel. The boys cheered, and the girls all rolled their eyes and walked away.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Hammer looked up out of her hole at Starfish. She was still as motionless as a statue; her mouth slightly open and her arm still outstretched. Her shovel had been dodged. She'd lost.  
  
Hammer jumped as Starfish fell face-first into the dirt, her arm crumbling beneath her weight. Slightly concerned, Hammer jumped out of her hole and rushed towards Starfish. Eloisha and St. No-No also got up and walked over.  
  
"Starfish, you okay?" asked St. No-No.  
  
As luck would have it, $tarfish's forehead had struck a rather large rock when she fell...one that had been covered by a thin layer of dirt.  
  
"Holy crap, her head!" St. No-No shouted, wiping away at the crimson blood that was oozing down Starfish's head.  
  
"Here comes the water truck!" said Zig Zag, who had just walked over.  
  
Mr. Pendanski came out of the truck, and curiously sauntered towards the group that had huddled by Starfish. "What's up?"  
  
"It's Starfish!" sobbed Eloisha. "SHE HIT HER HEAD ON SOME STUPID, GODFORSAKEN ROCK!!!"  
  
Mr. Pendanski's eyes widened. He turned to the first boy he saw, and said, "Ricky, pick her up and put her into the truck. We'd better take her to the Warden and see if she's got some bandages we can use."  
  
Zig Zag obliged, and slowly lifted Starfish off the ground. He and Mr. Pendanski walked quickly back to the truck, and and Zig put Starfish down in the passenger seat. As the truck zoomed off, he coughed from all the dirt that had flown into his face.  
  
"Wow, I hope she'll be okay," Dude said, being compassionate about something for once in her life. The girls glanced at her, then slowly walked back to their own holes.  
  
"She'll be okay," Squid said confidently. "It's just a little head injury."  
  
"Yeah," grunted Armpit, who had resumed digging his hole. "It's nothin'."  
  
"Happened to me, once," said Magnet. "Got clobbered in the head by some kid who swung a baseball bat and didn't know I was standin' right behind him...ow." He rubbed his head, recalling the memory.  
  
"I FEEL SO GUILTY!!" shouted X-Ray, dropping to his knees.  
  
"It's okay, X," sighed St. No-No. "Don't be so hard on yourself."  
  
"Actually, it's kind of true," hissed Ukulele Peanut.  
  
"I HEARD THAT!!" sobbed X-Ray.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Much later, Starfish walked back to the group, her head tied up in a large white bandage. Groggily, she looked around for her hole. Then she remembered she hadn't gotten a chance to start it.  
  
"Your hole's over there," mumbled Zero, nodding his head to the left. Starfish followed his gaze, and saw a hole about four feet deep with a shovel in it. She stared at the hole, then at Zero, the hole, Zero.  
  
"You mean you...you dug it for me?" Starfish asked.  
  
Zero shrugged. "I started it." He got up and walked away, spitting in his hole.  
  
Starfish stared at Zero as he walked off into the distance. "Sigh...."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
that ok? i have a question:  
  
should i have a slight starfish/zero "romance" thing??  
  
ELISE AND NORA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I AM ESPECIALLY INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY!!!!!!! :)!! review, all!  
  
elise, i bet u didnt think i was going 2 have stanley spontaneously combust did u?! u didnt think i'd do it, did you!? I DID!! AND I LIIIIIIIIKE IT!!! 


	5. Letters, Pill Box Hats, and Ukulele Pean...

Well, heres ur spotlight, Gannondork!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Later that night, Ukulele Peanut was causing complete mayhem in the tent.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU!!!" she yelled at St. No-No, who was sitting on her cot and ignoring Peanut completely. "HOW COULD YOU GO AND TRY TO ASSASSINATE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?!"  
  
"Because he's an idiot," St. No-No replied calmly.  
  
"THIS IS...IT'S....THIS IS EVILNESS!!" Ukulele Peanut erupted, flailing her arms in the air and failing to come up with anything better than that. "THEY SHOULD HAVE SENTENCED YOU TO DEATH, YOU EVIL PERSON!!!"  
  
"And what exactly did YOU do that got you thrown in here?" Hammer asked with bored curiousity.  
  
"What did I DO?!" Peanut asked, whirling around. "Weeeeeeeeell, it's kind of ... you see, it's involved, because--"  
  
"Just tell her," Starfish sighed. "And stop beating around the bush."  
  
"BUSH?!" St. No-No screamed, leaping off of her cot and once again taking out her miniature hatchet. "WHERE IS THE DIRTY FEIND?!?! I'LL BEAT AROUND THAT BUSH SO HARD, HE'LL NEVER KNOW THAT MY AXE EVEN--"  
  
"It's an expression," Eloisha interrupted with annoyance.  
  
"I know, but whenever I hear the word Bush, I...I..." St. No-No tried to find the right words. "I FEEL LIKE I COULD KILL SOMEONE!!!"  
  
"Namely.Bush?" Dude asked sarcastically.  
  
"EXAAAAAAAAACTLY!"  
  
"Everyone shut up, and just get back to what you were saying," Hammer said, directing her attention towards Ukulele Peanut again.  
  
Peanut squinted her eyes, and sat Indian style on the edge of her cot. "It was a dark, dank and dreeeeary night," she began. "I had just lost a soccer game.my brother was annoying me.and I got a hundred percent on a math test."  
  
"I got extra credit on that test," Eloisha taunted in a sing-song voice.  
  
"SHUT IT," Peanut growled through clenched teeth. "Anyway.this girl on the soccer team I had played earlier that day owned a Gamecube system.and she had my favorite game.and I wanted it. SHE HAD TO PAY."  
  
"You're making this all very melodramatic," St. No-No observed.  
  
"I'M TELLING IT LIKE IT HAPPENED, YOU BUSH HATER!!" Ukulele Peanut shouted. "As I was saying.this girl had to pay for beating me. So, I went over to house later that night, stole her Gamecube, tried to run off with it, then got caught by her stupid guard dog."  
  
"Well that was anti-climatic," Hammer said, blinking.  
  
"She should've died," Ukulele Peanut growled softly.  
  
"You could've hired me," Dude said. "I'm a professional. Well, almost."  
  
At that moment, Magnet walked into their portion of the tent, holding a letter in his hands. "Hey, I just came in to-"  
  
Starfish, who was still in her orange working outfit, screamed loudly (and shrilly), and yanked her sheets over her body in an effort to cover herself. "THERE IS A MAN IN OUR TENT AFTER DARK!!! THIS IS RISQUE, PEOPLE!!!" She screamed again.  
  
"How dare you do such an INAPPROPRIATE thing!!" Eloisha cried, throwing her pillow at Magnet. "We're going to report you!!"  
  
Dude, who had been quietly writing something on a slip of paper, tore it off of the pad she'd been writing on and taped it to Magnet's head. It read, "Scandalous."  
  
"Knock it off, guys!" Magnet said. He threw the letter at Hammer. "Geez, your stupid mom just sent you this letter, and I thought that you might want it!"  
  
"HOW DARE YOU CALL HER MOTHER STUPID!!" Starfish roared, jumping out from underneath her sheets and landing on Magnet; tackling him successfully. "YOU ARE ABOUT TO PAY FOR YOUR SINS, YOU SCANDALOUS BOY, YOU!!"  
  
"Starfish, it's okay," Hammer sighed, watching her friend beat up Magnet. "As long as he APOLOGIZES for insulting my mother, we can let him go."  
  
"Doth thou apologize?" St. No-No asked, who was suddenly wearing a very Juliet-like gown and holding a skull in her hand.  
  
Everyone stared blankly at her. They blinked. She blinked. Then Starfish turned back to Magnet as St. No-No began reciting Shakesphere (sry if I spelled his name wrong!!) in the background.  
  
"Geez, okay, sorry," Magnet apologized hastily, getting to his feet. "I'll go now."  
  
The girls all crowded around Hammer to read over her shoulder (except for St. No-No, who was now wearing a pill-box hat and reciting lines from various Audrey Hepburn movies).  
  
"What does mommy have to say?" Dude asked.  
  
"Ha, ha," Hammer laughed sourly. "Hmm.she says that she just heard that Stanley spontaneously combusted.Gosh, that's weird. It says that there was a video tape of it all happening on CNN this morning.but how did they-"  
  
"The Warden's got little hidden cameras all over the cafeteria," Ukulele Peanut answered. "She must've caught Caveman spontaneously combusting.but why would she put it on national television?"  
  
"Isn't it obvious?" Eloisha asked sarcastically.  
  
"No.no, it's not."  
  
"Hey wait, there's more about it," Hammer said, continuing to read the letter. "She says that she went over to the Yelnats' house after it was on the news to try and console them, and she saw them dancing around in their living room."  
  
"Maybe they didn't watch the news," Starfish suggested.  
  
"No, she says that the TV was on," Hammer muttered. "Hm. Apparently, no one in the neighborhood really cared."  
  
"But won't the Camp be investigated for all this?" Dude asked. "Y'know, having a kid spontaneously combust right at the breakfast table?"  
  
"Of course not," Ukulele Peanut answered flatly. "Bush'll probably see it as an act of kindness towards the world."  
  
"Yeah.my mom says that the Yelnats' had a party that night. Interesting."  
  
"Not really surprising," St. No-No said (making them all jump.they'd nearly forgotten she was there; as she had continued reciting lines from Robin Hood, this time dressed as Maid Marian).  
  
"You know, I have a question!!" said Ukulele Peanut. "Just exactly where are you getting all those costumes?!"  
  
"I've been sewing them ever since the first day I got here," she answere calmly.  
  
"SEWING them?!" Dude asked incredulously. "Sweet mother of Abraham Lincoln!! (wow, that's not something I normally say.) How on earth have you been SEWING all this time?!"  
  
"I just do," St. No-No answered simply.  
  
Suddenly, Ukulele Peanut began shaking violently. The D-Tent girls stared at her, as she continued to shudder uncontrollably.  
  
"What's wrong with her?!" Hammer shouted.  
  
"Oh no," Dude sighed, getting into her cot and pulling the sheets over her head.  
  
"TAKE COVER!!!" Starfish yelled, diving into her own cot.  
  
Hammer watched in confusion as every girl except she and Peanut hid underneath their bedsheets. "Well what's the-"  
  
"HIYA, HAMMER!!" Ukulele Peanut suddenly shouted at the top of her lungs, causing Hammer to subsequently fall off her bed from shock.  
  
"Eloisha, is it 11:00?!" Starfish yelled.  
  
"Sharp!" Eloisha answered.  
  
"SHE'S HAD TOO MUCH SUGAR!!" Dude squeaked. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! I'M TOO YOUNG!!"  
  
"DON'T WORRY; WE LIVED THROUGH IT BEFORE AND WE CAN DO IT AGAIN!!" St. No-No said confidently.  
  
Ukulele Peanut began skipping around the tent merrily, belting out notes of Italian opera with each step she took. Then she started reciting an ode to Taft, her favorite President (still skipping about the tent).  
  
Hammer stared at Peanut from her position on the floor. This was very strange.  
  
"I LIKE CHICKEN, I LIKE LIVER, MEOW MEOW MEOW MIX PLEASE DELIVER!!" Ukulele Peanut sang.  
  
"SHE'S GONNA WAKE UP THE WHOLE CAMP!!" Hammer shouted with concern. "ISN'T THAT A PROBLEM!?"  
  
"DON'T WORRY, THE COUNSELORS HAVE IT ALL UNDER CONTROL!" Eloisha screamed back.  
  
"I HOPE SO!!"  
  
Fortunately, the girls made it through the night with a few hours of sleep. Ukulele Peanut didn't keep them up that long, and besides.now Hammer knew.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Author's note:  
  
Sawyerzelda: have u ever noticed that when I write the words date, sex, or game it's blue and underlined?  
  
Squid: yeah, but now that you said that, it's not gonna be.  
  
Sawyerzelda: shut up. The point is, don't click the links!  
  
Link: Me?  
  
Zelda: Not YOU, you idiot!! And besides, we're not in this story! Let's blow this popsical stand!  
  
St. No-No: *sigh* Chel-Chel, how much cheesier can ur stories get?  
  
Ukulele Peanut: *cackling evilly* The world may never know!!  
  
Sawyerzelda: hey, that's my line!  
  
Eloisha: Sawyerzelda, help me study for the Chinese test!!  
  
Starfish: *rolls her eyes* Yeah, we know how much help u need, Eloisha.  
  
Eloisha: I JUST WANNA GET GOOD GRADES AND BE PROUD OF MYSELF, OKAY?!?!  
  
Dude: Yeah, and become preppy again.  
  
Zig Zag: Yikes.  
  
Sawyerzelda: Ok, I'm gonna end this here. NORA, IF UR STILL READING THIS, U MUST REVIEW!! OR ELSE I'LL KILL YOU!!! 


	6. Night Of The Frogs, Day Of The Lizards

Hey guys, wassup? Nora, u seen holes by now? If not, u must die. U liked zigzag, right?? CUZ IF U DIDN'T, U HAVE WEIRD TASTE!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The next morning, everyone in D-Tent awoke to the sound of Eloisha's screams.  
  
"What is it?" Starfish yawned, seemingly unconcerned and kicking Eloisha's cot with annoyance.  
  
Eloisha took a deep breath, then said, "It was a nightmare I just had!! Starfish, it was HAPPY!!"  
  
"If it was a happy dream, why were you screaming?" Hammer asked.  
  
"Not happy!" Eloisha. "Happy!"  
  
Dude blinked, then Starfish let out a loud "OOHHHHHHH!!! You mean my dog, Happy?"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"Wait, wait.your dog's name is Happy, then?" St. No-No asked Starfish.  
  
"Yes!" Eloisha answered. "I had a nightmare that I was just sitting on my couch studying for a geometry test, just as innocent as can be, when HAPPY ran up, followed by a cavalry of frogs, and then jumped on my lap and started licking me!! WAAAAH!!!"  
  
"Get a grip," Ukulele Peanut mumbled. "I don't get why you don't like Happy."  
  
"It's cuz she likes Phoenix better," Dude answered, grinning.  
  
"Who's Phoenix?" Hammer asked.  
  
"MY dog," Dude answered. "And Phoenix is better than Happy. So there." Dude stuck her tongue out at Starfish.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU INSINUATE SUCH A THING!!" Starfish bellowed, picking up her pillow and chasing Dude out of the tent with it.  
  
"Interesting."  
  
As the D-Tent girls (minus Starfish and Dude) entered the cafeteria, Armpit walked up to them with a slob of re-fried beans in his hand. Eloisha blinked as he raised his arm slowly, then crammed the disgusting stuff into his mouth.  
  
"MWA-HA!!" Armpit laughed, brown beans flying out of his mouth and onto Eloisha as laughed evilly.  
  
"EW, YOU ARE GROSS!!" Eloisha cried, using Magnet's bandana to wipe the beans off of her orange jumper. "YOU EVIL BUTT HEAD!!!"  
  
Fuming at Armpit's random actions, Eloisha sat down next to Squid. Right on cue, Dude raced into the room, with Starfish right at her heels. She suddenly came to a complete stop, and Starfish froze mid-swipe with her pillow.  
  
"I KNEW it!!" Dude yelled suddenly. "SQUID, YOU'VE CHEATED ON ME FOR THE LAST TIME!!!"  
  
"Oi. What'd I do now?"  
  
"Like you don't know!!" Dude shouted. "YOU'RE SITTING NEXT TO ELOISHA!!!"  
  
"No, I sat next to HIM," Eloisha sighed.  
  
"A-HA!!" Dude yelled victoriously. "Sooooo.you're jealous that I was in the last chapter more than you, eh? IS THAT IT, ELOISHA?!"  
  
"HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF SUCH A CRIME!!" Eloisha shouted back, standing up.  
  
"Hey, WE had the biggest part in the last chapter," said Ukulele Peanut, indicating towards herself and St. No-No.  
  
"So this is all THEIR doing!!" Dude said. "They've set us up!!"  
  
"Set what up?" asked X-Ray.  
  
Dude looked like she was going to say something, then paused. Then she started laughing. "You know, I've forgotten what this whole thing is all about! Sorry, Eloisha."  
  
"It's okay," Eloisha laughed, sitting down again.  
  
"NOW I REMEMBER!!!" Dude screamed, making Zig Zag jump and accidentally spill his re-fried beans on Armpit. "YOU SAT NEXT TO SQUID!!"  
  
"SINCE WHEN IS IT A CRIME TO SIT DOWN AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE!?"  
  
"BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!"  
  
"..........."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"That was very strange," Hammer commented out loud, as D-tent walked out onto the "lake" to start digging.  
  
"Yeah. But Dude's a bit sensitive," Zig Zag said. "This kind of thing has happened before, so I guess I'm kinda used to it."  
  
"I see."  
  
Dude stood as far away from Eloisha as possible, keeping her eyes on Squid suspiciously. "Cheat," she muttered through clenched teeth. She looked around her evilly, then barked loudly.  
  
Eloisha jumped and whirled around, her shovel swinging wildly like a bayonette. "WHERE IS THE FILTHY BEAST?!"  
  
"Stanley's gone, remember?" Starfish said.  
  
"I was referring to HAPPY!!" Eloisha yelled.  
  
"Hello, he's at home."  
  
"I heard someone barking!!"  
  
"It 'twas I!" Dude shouted, cackling maliciously. "You are paying for your actions!"  
  
"Fight! Fight!" chanted X-Ray and Magnet. "Fight! Fight! Fight!!"  
  
"Not another one," St. No-No sighed. "We just HAD a shovel fight yesterday!"  
  
"Good point."  
  
Zig Zag wedged his shovel deep into the ground, then lifted the dirt out. Hole number five billion. . .or at least that's what it felt like. Every minute seemed to last a century. . .every day he felt like he'd fall over from exhaustion. . .  
  
"Hey, I think Eloisha fell asleep," observed X-Ray, walking over to her hole.  
  
D-Tent crowded around the depression Eloisha had made in the dirt, and it was apparently true that she had fallen asleep.  
  
"I guess it's because she didn't get much sleep last night," St. No- No said. "What with her dreams about Happy and the frogs."  
  
"That must be it," Dude said, raising her shovel. "C'mon, let's wake her up!!"  
  
"No!" Hammer said, putting a hand on Dude's shovel. She turned to Zig Zag. "Didn't you tell me that she sleep talks?"  
  
"Well that's what Starfish told me," Zig Zag said.  
  
"It's true," Starfish said, grinning slightly. "Most of the time, anyway."  
  
"The penguins," Eloisha suddenly muttered.  
  
"What?" asked Squid.  
  
"The penguins in the box are naked," Eloisha said, her eyes still closed.  
  
"But all penguins are naked," Magnet said, trying his hardest not to laugh too hard.  
  
"The ones in the box are even MORE naked," she said softly, turning over. Then abruptly, her eyes snapped open and she saw the whole lot of them crowded around her, staring down at her. She jumped. "AAAH!!!"  
  
"Sorry, you were talking in your sleep again!" Starfish laughed.  
  
"I was?" she asked groggily, sitting up. Everyone nodded. She sighed. "And you egged me on as usual, didn't you?"  
  
"Just like a true friend," St. No-No confirmed.  
  
"ZERO!!! ON YOUR LEFT!!!" Eloisha suddenly screeched.  
  
Zero, who had been standing quietly there (though he had chuckled softly a few minutes ago), turned around and saw a yellow-spotted lizard scurrying towards him. With a snort, he swung his shovel at it, but missed- and as luck would have it, his grip on the shovel hadn't been very tight, and it flew out of his hands back towards his hole from yesterday.  
  
The D-Tent kids watched in horror as seven lizards crawled out of the hole, and, with help from the first one, lifted the shovel off the ground and ran towards the group.  
  
"IT'S THE ATTACK OF THE LIZARDS!!" shouted Ukulele Peanut and X-Ray in unison, ducking for cover.  
  
"IT'S LIKE SOME FREAKY B-MOVIE FROM THE 50'S!!" St. No-No and Armpit yelled hysterically, running away after bumping into each other.  
  
They all ran. . .except for. . .Eloisha. She took her blue bandana off her head and replaced it with a Mickey Mouse hat she'd gotten from her pocket. She placed the bandana on her arm, then took one step closer towards the small army of reptiles.  
  
"This time," she growled through clenched teeth, "I am not going to run away." With an almight "HI-YA!!", she swung her shovel at the lizards, who quickly dodged, then parried towards her with their own shovel. Eloisha rapidly stepped aside, and the attack missed her by several inches.  
  
"It's time I stood up to my fears!!" Eloisha said bravely, striking a gallant pose. The others slowly started to walk back; finally forming a small cluster several feet away from the tiny battle.  
  
Screeching their horrid little screeches, the lizards lunged heavily at Eloisha, who matched their noises with her own victory yell. "TAKE THAT, YOU EVIL LIZARDS!!" The reptiles charged towards her, and she held out her bandana like a matador would his cape, and lifted it out of the lizards' way just in time.  
  
D-Tent cheered; and Eloisha threw her hat to them. There was a scuffle, and her hat got torn into several pieces. Everyone ended up getting one.  
  
"That worked out nicely," commented Hammer.  
  
Dropping their shovel, the lizards stood one on top of the other. The one on top threw itself towars Eloisha, but she was ready. Positioning herself like a baseball player, she swung the shovel at the lizard; the two collided, and the animal was sent flying away to its death.  
  
Her fellow D-tent members began doing the Atlanta Braves chant as she whacked away another fearsome creature with her baseball bat-like weapon.  
  
A gun shot suddenly fired through the air, and everyone turned to see Mr. Sir rushing towards them.  
  
"What's goin' on over here?" he demanded. "I thought I heard the Braves!!"  
  
"It was Eloisha!!" answered Squid in awe. "She just destroyed five lizards all by herself!!"  
  
"I have talents too, you know!" Dude shouted.  
  
"You just missed the most amazing performance of all time!" St. No-No said. "Unless of course you're counting Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's or any of the countless Shakespeare plays I've been to."  
  
Everyone eventually zoned St. No-No out as she began to ramble off about all the plays she'd seen.  
  
Mr. Sir slowly placed his gun back in his holster. "Very good, Eloisha. You all just get back to your diggin'." With that, he sauntered off.  
  
"Thanks Eloisha," Zero muttered, as the rest continued their dirty work.  
  
"For what?" Eloisha asked, looking up and flipping her hair in slow- motion (the process took about five minutes).  
  
"Um.for warning me about that lizard."  
  
"Oh. S'okay."  
  
"Right.um.thanks."  
  
"HEY, GUESS WHAT?!" Hammer suddenly shouted, jumping about to all of the holes. "ZIG ZAG JUST KISSED MOI FOR THE FIRST TIME!!"  
  
"Woah woah woah, what?!" Starfish asked, jumping out of her pit. "Hey, where are you Chel-Chel?!"  
  
"Yeah!" asked Ukulele Peanut. "I thought you said this story was censored!"  
  
"What're you talking about?" asked Sawyerzelda (who IS Chel-Chel, for those of you haven't read my bio).  
  
"This story is so risqué!!" Starfish sniffed, folding her arms with disdain. "First Magnet comes into our tent at night, and now we have MINOR SEXUALITY!!!"  
  
"Shut up, Starfish," sighed Magnet.  
  
"OH SURE, YOU'D WANT ME TO SHUT UP, WOULDN'T YOU?!"  
  
"For once, just listen to the guy," Sawyerzelda said, taking out a pocket watch with a chain. She swung it back and forth in front of Starfish. "You will get a grip on yourself. . .when I count to three, you will have forgotten everything that just happened. . .and you will calm down. One two three."  
  
Starfish looked around her. "Wow, what just happened?"  
  
"Never you mind," sighed St. No-No, resuming her digging.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
thank u for the reviews, all!! U r really 2 kind.... and I know that more and more of this is going towards the gals at camp green lake, and sry if that's buggin' u. but I'll have more o' the guys, u just keep on readin' and reviewin'!  
  
hey nora, did we have any English homework last night? 


	7. Bring Me To Life, Pool Game, and Eloisha...

well, its been while since i've updated this, hasnt it? well, i've written more!! (yee-haw)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Hey look over there," said Armpit, putting a hand over his eyes and looking to his left. "It's the bus!"  
  
"Ooh, yay, the bus," Starfish said in a bored monotone. "Let's all dance around and sing for joy." She gazed towards the right as she heard a motor running. "Here's the water truck--something to be happyl about." Lazily, Starfish got out of her hole.  
  
"Joy," remarked X-Ray, as they approached the truck of their lunches. "More of this disgusting preserved foodstuff."  
  
"Now, now, Rex," scolded Mr. Pendandski lightly, waggling his finger at him. "You should be more grateful to get this kind of food."  
  
"THANK YOU, GOD!!" Eloisha suddenly shouted, dropping to her knees and raising her hands to the sky. "AND WE ASK YOU TO BLESS THIS DELICIOUS CANNED FOOD WE ARE ABOUT TO RECIEVE!!"  
  
There was a long silence as Eloisha dusted herself off and stood up.  
  
"You're scaring me," Mr. Pendanski finally said. "You're not getting a lunch."  
  
"WHAT?! GOD, PUT A CURSE ON HIM!!!"  
  
"Hey, I was just joking!" Mr. Pendanski said hastily, throwing a sandwhich at Eloisha. "Yeesh." Walking away, Eloisha began muttering something in Korean. "This is America, we speak English here," he called after her.  
  
"Don't I know it," sighed Magnet, taking his lunch and heading back to his hole. "Aye Carumba!"  
  
"Magnet, what did I just say?" the counselor asked.  
  
Magnet ignored him.  
  
"I wish Caveman was still here," Zig Zag sighed wistfully, slowly taking a bite out of his sandwhich.  
  
"...WHAT?!" Hammer yelled, nearly falling backwards into her hole from shock.  
  
"Y'know, so I could have someone to beat up."  
  
"That makes a lot of sense," Dude said understandingly.  
  
"Yeah," said Armpit, joining the small circle that the diggers had formed. "Dude used to go around at school, robbing every sixth grader of their lunch money, or demanding that they hand it over."  
  
"You made that up!" Dude insisted (even though it was something she would really do--jk, elise).  
  
"Well at my old school, all the boys knew to leave me alone," Zig Zag said, rolling up the short sleeves on his school. Making an exaggerated (and unneccessary) California governor-like grunt, he flexed his arm muscle.  
  
"Wow, this digging's really been a work out for you, hasn't it?" Starfish asked, leaning forward and feeling the muscle. "Hoo-ee!"  
  
"What are you, a pig?" X-Ray asked.  
  
"That was uncalled for."  
  
"SO," said Magnet, breaking a long silence. "I wonder if this new kid's gonna be anything like Stanley."  
  
"I hope not," said Ukulele Peanut, at the same time as Zig Zag said "I hope so."  
  
"You're so sadistic," sighed Hammer, leaning back on the palms of her hands. "Which is of course very favorable in my view."  
  
"I'm not the scary one," Eloisha said. She pointed at Hammer. "YOU are."  
  
"Aren't you the one who tried to kill Ben Savage?!" Ukulele Peanut asked. "You're practically a savage!" She began to laugh hysterically. "Ha ha!! GET it?! Savage, savage? HA HA!!!!!!"  
  
"Man, you're weird," said Squid.  
  
"HEY, PEOPLE!!!" shouted Mr. Pendanski. "THIS IS NOT SOCIAL GATHERING TIME!!! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO EAT YOUR FOOD, THEN KEEP ON DIGGIN' YOUR HOLES!!!!!!!!"  
  
"You know," said Squid, getting to his feet and picking up his shovel. "I made up a little rap song about us digging."  
  
"Yes, I'm sure we'd all like to hear it," Dude said sarcastically, resuming her digging. "But maybe some other time, so you can serenade me privately." Even though she would prefer Amy Lee over him any day.  
  
"Who's Amy Lee?" X-Ray The Ignorant asked the narrator.  
  
"Dude, you don't know who Amy Lee is?" Ukulele Peanut asked, wondering if she did herself (sry caroline, i dont know if u do or not. u probly do and i sound really stupid right now. but w/e).  
  
"Of COURSE I know who Amy Lee is!!!" Dude shouted.  
  
"Grrr," growled Peanut. "I meant X-Ray!!"  
  
"Enlighten me," X-Ray said.  
  
Suddenly, the D-Tent girls broke into a loud chorus of Bring Me To Life (completely scaring the boys beyond words).  
  
"Y'all have problems," Armpit said, trying vainly to talk over the loud commotion they were making. "But of course, there's nothing bad about a free concert."  
  
"There is when the Warden finds out about it," Magnet said, looking over the ground at the Chevrolet approaching them. "This can't be good." Well, I think THAT could qualify as the biggest understatement of the year.  
  
Or not.  
  
"WOO-HOO!" screamed the Warden, jumping out of her car and starting to lower her tough image by dancing around to the wild music. "Bring Me To Life! I LOVE EVANESCENCE!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Okay," said X-Ray. "Either the Warden's on helium, or she's had a little too much to drink."  
  
"Perhaps both," suggested Zig Zag. "Zero, you done with your hole already?"  
  
"Stating the obvious, as usual," sighed Armpit. "Hey, where'd Eloisha go?"  
  
"I dunno," said Magnet, twisting around. "But it looks like her hole's done already. Which is really strange."  
  
"Hi, Zero," Eloisha said warmly, once she'd made her way back to the tent. She was not surprised when he greeted here with a blank stare. Whistling a strange hokey tune, Eloisha lay down on the floor with a notebook, and her pen zigzagged across the paper as she wrote.  
  
His curiosity aroused, Zero lazily got off his bed and walked over to where Eloisha was laying. Staring at the paper, he tried to read what she was writing. His eyes widened. "How do you do that?" he asked.  
  
"Do what?" she inquired, looking up at him.  
  
"Write so good! That all looks like. . .like. . ." He stuttered, trying to describe what the English looked like to him. Zero sighed. "It all looks like Chinese to me."  
  
Eloisha looked back down at her paper. "That's. . .because it IS Chinese."  
  
Zero looked at it again. "Oh. Sorry."  
  
Sitting up, Eloisha flipped her hair like Lucy Liu again. "Sorry for what?"  
  
Shrugging, Zero sat down and said, "I can't read."  
  
Eloisha stared sympathetically at him. "You can't? You can't read?" This was such heartbreaking news. *smirk*  
  
"I didn't really ever. . .y'know, have much of an education. I grew up in an orphanage, and they didn't really. . .well, they taught some of us, but I just couldn't get it." Zero sighed melodramatically again. "I guess because of my age, they automatically just thought I could read."  
  
"Well why didn't you say something?" Eloisha asked.  
  
Zero shrugged again. "I dunno. I was afraid of what the other guys'd say. Y'know, I felt stupid."  
  
"So you're saying you. . .don't feel stupid now?" Eloisha asked, blinking.  
  
Zero stared at the distant space in front of him. "Can you teach me?"  
  
"You. . .you mean how to read?"  
  
"Yeah. I was gonna ask that Caveman dude to do it, but there were two reasons why I didn't." He held up a finger. "One, he acted like a complete idiot." (Eloisha laughed). "And two, he spontaneously combusted."  
  
"Yes, that is a problem, isn't it?" It was now Eloisha's turn to sigh. "Maybe I could teach you to read a little. . .I mean, I AM the smartest kid here and all. . .but I'm just too tired today. Y'know, tryin' to impersonate Amy Lee and all gets kinda tiring."  
  
Zero gave her Bambi eyes.  
  
"You know, I draw people like that," Eloisha said, with a lopsided grin. She paused, then said, "I'll start teaching you today, on one condition: you let me draw you with my super-duper PENCIL AND SHEET OF PAPER!!!!!!! EEEEEEEE!!!"  
  
Staring at her with confusion, Zero slowly nodded. "Okay. . ."  
  
"Coolio."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Meanwhile, the D-Tent girls's Evanescence concert had ended. The Warden drove away, and the rest of them had managed to finish their holes.  
  
"Dude," said Squid. "We need to talk."  
  
"Oh NO!!" shouted Dude, clasping her hands to her cheeks. "THOSE ARE THE WORST FOUR WORDS A GUY CAN SAY TO HIS GIRLFRIEND IN THE HOLE HISTORY OF- -"  
  
"Dude, Dude, get a grip on yourself," Squid said. "It's not about breaking up."  
  
"Oh," said Dude. "Phew!"  
  
"You see, it's a guilt complex," Squid said slowly. "About something I think might be interested in."  
  
"What exactly is that?" Dude asked.  
  
"Um. . .you know your lizard that you named Amy Lee?"  
  
"You mean the one I got in third grade that died a very mysterious death?" Dude asked. Squid nodded. "Yeah, of course I remember my little Bearded Dragon. How could I forget Amy? But what about her?"  
  
"Well. . .you know how you said she died mysteriously? I. . .I know what happened to her."  
  
Dude's eye widened, and she put her hands on Squid's shoulders. "POTATOES!"  
  
"Uh. . .no."  
  
Dude gasped. "PAMELA ANDERSON?!"  
  
"NO!" Squid shouted. "You're missing the point, Dude! When you went to summer camp, your mom asked me to look after Amy Lee because she and your dad were going on an anniversary trip to London or something!! AND I FORGOT TO CHANGE THE LIGHT ON THE CAGE AND AMY DIED!!!!!!! I PRACTICALLY KILLED HER!!"  
  
Panting, Squid let this slowly sink in. Well, when it came to Dude, it didn't take long for things to "sink in."  
  
"You MONSTER!!!" Dude shouted, firing a fist towards her now ex- boyfriend. "LIKE SAWYERZELDA JUST SAID, YOU ARE NOW MY OFFICAL EX- BOYFRIEND!!! ASTA MAÑANA, BUDDY!!!" Sobbing hysterically over her deceased lizard, Dude ran out of the Wreck Room.  
  
"Well, glad that's over with," Squid said, as St. No-No came out from the shadows. "She fell for it."  
  
"I kinda feel bad for Dude," St. No-No sighed, rubbing her arm. "Y'know, you lying like that to her just so that we could--"  
  
"Hey, we weren't doin' nothin' selfish," said Squid. "Dude was just a little obsessed, you know? I think this is better for her. Besides, now we're all happy. Right?"  
  
"Not Dude," remarked St. No-No. She decided to change the subject. "So you seen the new kid yet?"  
  
"Nope," sighed Squid. "No one has. I don't know where he went off to. But I think I heard Mr. Pendanski tellin' Zig Zag and Hammer that we won't be seein' him 'til tomorrow mornin'."  
  
"Strange."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"So. . ." said Starfish, raising her pool cue into the air and getting ready to hit the white ball. "One a you guys think you can beat me?"  
  
"Yeah," said X-Ray, stepping forward. "I think I--"  
  
"ME!!!! MISTRESS OF ALL EVIL!!!!" Starfish interrupted, cackling loudly. "X-Ray, bring it on!!"  
  
"Ten bucks says that Starfish wins," Armpit muttered to Magnet.  
  
"Man, you ain't got ten bucks," Magnet said. "But even if you did, I wouldn't bet against you. Starfish is a shoe-in for first place."  
  
"Y'know, you guys don't have a lot of faith in me," X-Ray said.  
  
"What're friends for?" Armpit asked.  
  
Ukulele Peanut, meanwhile, sat at another table with Zig Zag and Hammer.  
  
"Am I ruining any romantic atmosphere by sitting here?" Peanut asked sarcastically, as she took a seat.  
  
"Uh, no," said Hammer, quickly dropping Zig Zag's hand. "Heh heh."  
  
"Good." Looking around to make sure no counselors were watching, Ukulele Peanut took a pack of cards out of her pocket. "You guys wanna play a little poker? Betting with. . .shower tokens?"  
  
"You got it," Zig Zag said, and Hammer nodded. "Yo Magnet, you wanna come over here and play some poker? We're bettin' shower tokens."  
  
"Sure," agreed Magnet, coming over and sitting down. "I haven't played poker since I was in Canasta. I mean, Canada."  
  
"I GET it!" Ukulele Peanut laughed. "Canasta--Canada!! HA HA HA!!!!"  
  
"Dude, I just made a mistake," said Magnet. "It wasn't supposed to be fun--"  
  
"Did someone call me?" Dude asked, coming out of no where.  
  
"No," sighed Magnet.  
  
"Oh. Well if any of you are interested, I'll be in the tent crying my eyes out and mourning for my dead lizard."  
  
"Have fun," said Zig Zag as she walked away. "How sad."  
  
"It is tragic, isn't it?" Hammer asked, as Ukulele Peanut dealed out the cards. "Having a pet dying and all. I wouldn't know personally, though: I've never had a pet."  
  
"You haven't?" asked Ukulele Peanut. "I had a rabbit once. And I've had frogs and stuff like that. Man, life isn't complete without having a pet at least once." She nodded at Starfish (who happened to be doing quite well in the pool game). "Starfish and Dude are lucky, though. They've both got dogs."  
  
"I have a dog," said Zig Zag, glancing wearily at his cards. "Big ole Great Pyranees. Used to always get into fights with my tabby cat, though." He sighed. "I don't know if they still fight. They could both be dead now, for all I know. My parents never write to me."  
  
"Well then they're butts," deduced Magnet. "And as for me and pets, you all know how I got here."  
  
"I don't," Hammer said. "Fill me in."  
  
"They wanted a thousand bucks for one puppy," Magnet sobbed. "And I wanted him so badly!!"  
  
"A thousand bucks?!" Hammer cried indignantly. "That's retarded!"  
  
"So I went to the store and stole him," Magnet said. "Well, I tried to, anyway. I would've made it out. . . if my pocket hadn't started barking."  
  
Zig Zag and Ukulele Peanut laughed at Magnet's poor misery.  
  
"OHHHHHHHHH, I BEAT YOU!!!" Starfish yelled, from the other side of the room. "AGAIN! AGAIN!!! YOU SUCK AT POOL, MAN!!"  
  
"Hey!" shouted X-Ray, throwing his cue stick to Armpit (who was next in line to play). "You did NOT just disrupt my ganstah!"  
  
Starfish blinked.  
  
"Never mind."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Dude!" Eloisha said, jumping as her fellow juvenile delinquint came into the tent. "What're you doing here?"  
  
"I was hoping to go somewhere private," Dude said, eyeing Eloisha and Zero. "But obviously, I came to the wrong spot. Please excuse me."  
  
"It's okay," Eloisha said, implying that Dude could stay. "I just finished my picture of Zero. It's kind of bad." She tossed it to Dude, who caught it, and laughed.  
  
"It looks really good," Dude said, showing it to Zero. He nodded.  
  
"It's terrible," Eloisha sighed dramatically.  
  
"You're fishing for compliments," Dude and Zero said in unison. The three of them laughed, then Dude held out her pinky. Zero stared at her. "Come on, you don't know this?" Dude asked him. "Every time you say something at the same time as someone else (and it's spontaneous), you link pinkies then say a wish." She looked at him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"Um........right." Awkwardly, Zero made a wish as he linked pinkies with Dude. "What'd you wish for?"  
  
"If she says, it won't come true," Eloisha pointed out.  
  
"No, that's only with wishes on stars," Dude said.  
  
Out of nowhere, Jiminy Cricket bounced into the tent and started singing "When You Wish Upon A Star." Then he vanished.  
  
All crickets except Jiminy chirped.  
  
"Anyway, since this was a pink wish, I can tell you what I wished for," Dude said. "Y'know how Bennifer came to Camp Green Lake?"  
  
"Yeah. . ." said Zero.  
  
"I wished that Amy Lee would come next. What did you wish for?"  
  
"Well. . ."  
  
Suddenly, Eloisha gasped. "LOOK!!!!! IT'S BRUCE WILLIS, MERYL STREEP, AND GOLDIE HAWN!!! AND AMY LEE!!!!!!"  
  
"WHERE?!" Dude shouted, running out of the tent.  
  
"That wasn't very nice," Zero commented.  
  
"But it was true," Eloisha said. "I can see the TV in the Wreck room from here, and it looks like X-Ray's watching a movie with Bruce Willis, Meryl Streep, and Goldie Hawn. But the Amy Lee part I made up." She cocked her head to one side. "So what DID you wish for?"  
  
Zero answered, saying, "That I'll be able to learn how to read from a great teacher."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
awwwww, ain't that sweet? (not) eloisha, ur just skipping 2 all the parts that have u in them, dont u? i know u 2 well. and dude--yes!! they were watching death becomes her!! =) and st. no-no......i made squid available 4 u!!!  
  
ok, so now i have a question: if zero were 2 start liking someone, who should it be?  
  
Eloisha, Dude, Ukulele Peanut, or Starfish?  
  
plz review!!!! i am *very* interested in what u have 2 say!!! 


	8. Twitch, Pucca, and George the Runaway Pu...

yay, more randomness!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"MAKE THEM STOP!!!" shouted Starfish. "PLEASE, MAKE THEM STOP!!!"  
  
"Make who stop what?" Hammer asked, as Starfish ran screaming at the top of her lungs out of the tent.  
  
"Well, every other two months, Eloisha and Dude start speaking in Chinese for most of the morning," St. No-No explained. She noticed Dude giving her an evil glare. "I'd. . .better be going." She zoomed out of the tent.  
  
"N? z?o," Eloisha said to Dude. "N? h?o ma?" ("Good morning. How are you?")  
  
"W? hén h?o," Dude responded. "Xiè xie. N? ne?" ("I'm very good. Thank you. How are YOU?")  
  
"W? aì ZigZag!" Eloisha stated randomly. ("I love Zig Zag!")  
  
"A ha, I understood that word!" laughed Hammer  
  
Eloisha and Dude stared at her. They had forgotten she was there (since all the others had left). Dude turned to face Eloisha. "N? bù yào (???) Zig Zag!" she shouted. "N? zhí dào t? shì Hammer de n?n péng yòu!" ("You can't want Zig Zag!! You know he is Hammer's boyfriend!")  
  
"A-ha, you said my name!" Hammer said. "And ZigZag's!! What're you two talking about?!"  
  
"Nothing," Eloisha answered, speaking English for the first time that day.  
  
"EXACTLY!!" Mr. Pendanski said, eerily appearing out of no where. "Didn't I tell you in the last chapter, Elisha, that you are supposed to speak only ENGLISH here!? And you, Elise! Stop this craziness at once!"  
  
"Calm down, Mom," said Dude, getting up off her bed. "It's a free country. And besides--Eloisha and I are just preparing for school when we get sent back to the community, right Eloisha?"  
  
"Of course," she agreed, walking out of the tent. Then she muttered to Dude: "T? f?i cháng bèn." ("He is extremely stupid.")  
  
"It is SO annoying when they do that!" Mr. Pendanski shouted, as Hammer scurried out of the tent.  
  
"Hey, look," said Ukulele Peanut, nudging St. No-No. "It's that new kid! Eew, what a dork!" They both jumped as Mr. Pendanski once again appeared out of no where, this time at the new kid's side.  
  
"Caroline, Nora, I'm glad you two are here," the counselor said. "This is Brian, our newest D-Tent member."  
  
"The name's St. No-No," St. No-No growled. "Either that, or--" She twirled around. "Some refer to me as Pochahontas. However, you are not permitted to call me that. IT IS FORBIDDEN."  
  
"And I'm Ukulele Peanut," Peanut defended herself. "You call me Caroline just once, and I'll knock that head right off your shoulders." She walked closer, until she was only inches away from Brian's face. "And there's one other thing you need to know."  
  
"Now Caroline, there's no need to scare the boy," Mr. Pendanski said lightly.  
  
Ukulele Peanut glanced at her counselor, then her eyes shifted back to the (shaking) Brian. "As I was saying. . .I disagree with rainbows." She walked away from the three of them. They stared after her retreating figure.  
  
"Well, that was random," stated Mr. Pendanski. He turned to St. No- No. "Nora, did she have too much sugar at eleven o'clock last night?"  
  
"Nope," answered St. No-No. "She had one of those spasms a couple days ago." She nodded, then walked away.  
  
"W-w-w-w-what a p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pleasant place," Brain said, twitching.  
  
"Isn't it though?" Mr. Pendanski asked, steering him towards D-tent. "Now, I believe that the other boys are still waking up, so why don't we just go into their tent and I'll introduce you?"  
  
"Erm. . .o-o--o-o-o-o-okay. . ."  
  
"Boys, this is Brian," Mr. Pendanski said, as they entered the tent. "Brian, this is Rex, Theodore, José, Alan, Ricky, and Zero."  
  
"Mom, how many times do I have to tell you?" Armpit shouted. "My name ain't Theodore, it's Armpit!"  
  
"And it's X-Ray!" yelled. . .X-Ray (now very much awake). "And it's Magnet, Squid and Zig Zag."  
  
"Hey, I can speak for myself, you know," Zig Zag said, very offended. "You don't have to talk for me."  
  
X-Ray swiveled around to face him. "Are you making moral judgements, Mrs. Peacock?" he demanded in a very strange British accent.  
  
The D-Tent boys (and Mr. Pendanski) stared at him.  
  
"Okay," said Zig Zag. "Don't EVER call me that again."  
  
"Let's all just close our eyes and pretend that didn't happen," Magnet suggested.  
  
"Good idea," said Zig Zag. "Anways, BRIAN, for your F.Y.I--"  
  
"I have Corey's SPIT in my ear! EW!" interrupted Squid, quoting his favorite TV show.  
  
Everyone ignored him.  
  
"We're eating now," Zig Zag said, completing his statement. "And stop that twitching!! You're driving me crazy!!"  
  
"I-i-i-i-i-it's a b-b-b-b-bad habit of m-m-m-m-ine," stammered Brian, twitching.  
  
"WELL CUT IT OUT!!!" thundered Armpit. "#$&^**()((#@#@!!!*##"  
  
The tent gasped.  
  
"How dare you say that in a PG story!!" reprimanded Mr. Pendanski.  
  
"It's not PG," said X-Ray. "It's PG-13."  
  
"Oh yes, you're right," said Mr. Pendanski. "But why is it rated PG- 13?"  
  
X-Ray shrugged. "How should I know? I'm only a character. A puppet in the Pinocchio story of life. Let's ask the author."  
  
"Sawyerzelda, why is your story rated PG-13?" asked Squid.  
  
It was Sawyerzelda's turn to shrug. "I dunno. Cuz I felt like it."  
  
"Oh. Okay."  
  
"What took you guys so long?" asked *fish, as the boys walked into the cafeteria.  
  
"We had an MPAA problem with the author," said Magnet, sitting down.  
  
"You can not call the rating of a book an 'MPAA' problem!" scolded Zig Zag. "The Motion Pictures Association of America has nothing to do with books!"  
  
"Let's just forget about it," sighed Zero, about to sit down across from St. No-No.  
  
Dude spat out her orange juice and flew across the table. *psssssst* "NOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"  
  
"You called?" asked St. No-No.  
  
"NOO!!!" shouted Dude, body slamming Zero into the ground before he could sit down. "That's where Squid is supposed to sit!"  
  
"Hm," said Squid. "My ex-girlfriend I dumped is still saving me seats at the breakfast table! How considerate!" He paused and looked at Dude. "That's what you're doing, right?"  
  
".................uh, yeah sure whatever!"  
  
Poor, careless Squid. Had the foolish fool taken the time to look at the spot where he was about to sit, he would've seen the--  
  
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--OWWWWWWWZA!!! MY BUTT!!!!"  
  
--tacks on his chair.  
  
"HA HA HA!!!" laughed Dude, getting a bit hysterical. "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, that was a crack-up!!"  
  
Squid hastily took the tacks out of his orange pants and glared at Dude. "You evil BUTT-HEAD!!"  
  
"Ha ha, I get it!" said Ukulele Peanut, beginning to laugh. "Butt-- head! The tacks got stuck in your butt, so then you called Dude a butt- head!! HA HA!!"  
  
"You are weird," said Eloisha, shaking her head.  
  
"Speaking of weird, we just saw the new kid," said Zig Zag.  
  
"So did we," St. No-No commented, nodding towards Ukulele Peanut. She glared at Dude, who was about to die from laughter on the floor.  
  
"What's he like?" asked Starfish curiously. "Is he cuuuuuuuuuuuute?"  
  
"He's a dork," answered X-Ray. "He won't stop twitchin', and he's got this really annoying stutter."  
  
"I've got a nickname for him already," said Armpit. "Twitch."  
  
"That's a good one," said Zig Zag. "Oh look, here he comes now."  
  
"So you're the new guy, huh?" asked Eloisha, sliding down the bench to make room for him. "Just so you know, we've dubbed you Twitch."  
  
"W-w-w-w-w-why?" asked Twitch.  
  
"STOP TWITCHING!!!!" screamed St. No-No. Dude was still on the floor, twitching herself from laughter. "Dude, come ON! Get a grip on yourself!! Being sadistic is not funny!"  
  
"It is when you're getting REVENGE!!!! AAAAAAAAH, SWEET REVENGE!!"  
  
"Sit up and get a grip," Starfish demanded.  
  
"I can't!" chuckled Dude. "My legs are too weak!"  
  
Sighing with exasperation, Hammer reached down and helped Dude back into her seat.  
  
"Hey Eloisha, quick reflexes!" shouted Magnet, throwing his bread at her.  
  
"Woah!" Ducking to elude the food (ooh, i'm a poet and didn't REALIZE IT, NORA), Eloisha's hair got very messed up. "OOOOH, MAGNET!! Not only are you random, but you messed up my hair!!"  
  
"Oh no," sighed Starfish in her usual monotone. "The end of the world has come."  
  
"I have an excellent idea," said Eloisha. She picked up her tray and leaned over the table. She whacked Magnet on the head with it, then sat back down. "Let's change the subject." To fix her very messy hair, Eloisha flipped it like Lucy Liu.  
  
"A-a-a-a-a-a-re y-y-y-y-you a Lucy L-l-l-l-l-iu fan?" guess-who asked.  
  
"What buisiness is it of YOURS, TWERP?!" Eloisha shouted, beginning to hyperventilate. She calmed down. "Heh heh." Eloisha batted her eyelashes at him. "So, what did you do that got you in here?"  
  
"I d-d-d-d-d-rove of with a Mustange C-c-c-c-c-convertable," answered Twitch. "When I get towards a really nice car, I just start t-t-t-t-t-to t- t-t-t-twitch."  
  
"What kind of IDIOT would just drive off with a mustang convertable?" asked Magnet.  
  
"Well what kind of idiot would walk out of a pet store with a dog in his pocket?!" inquired Eloisha.  
  
"Hey, are you defending Twitch??" asked Hammer.  
  
"...............maybe. Maybe not."  
  
"The world may never know," sighed Kathy in her Daria-like voice.  
  
"Anyways, you'd better stay away from the Warden's car," said Armpit. "If you even touch it, you'll be dead quicker 'n you can say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."  
  
"That takes too long," said Eloisha. "You'll dead quicker than you can say. . ." She grinned. "Pucca!"  
  
"Pucca?" asked Zig Zag. "What in heaven's name is a Pucca?"  
  
"Not A Pucca," corrected Eloisha. "THE Pucca!"  
  
"Please don't get her started," said Dude. "Pucca is this weird little. . .thingy that Eloisha is kind of obsessed with."  
  
"I LOVE PUCCA!!" Eloisha said. "LET'S ALL GET DOWN ON OUR KNEES AND THANK THE GOOD LORD FOR INVENTING PUCCA!!"  
  
"What IS it with you and God?" asked Squid, who was still massaging his sore buttocks.  
  
"Haven't you heard?" asked X-Ray sarcastically. "God and Eloisha are tight. They're like best friends."  
  
Ukulele Peanut gasped. "No WONDER you're so perfect, Eloisha! It all makes sense now!"  
  
"Oh, shut up," said Eloisha.  
  
"Think about it!" said Ukulele Peanut, standing up on the table. "Starfish, Dude--remember all those times when Eloisha would pass a test and we all got. . .worse than her? And those times when she was so perfect on the piano and the violin and her singing that she went and--"  
  
"Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you sing?" asked Twitch.  
  
"Yyyyyyyyyyyeeeeessssssssss," Eloisha said slowly, turning to face him. "Is that a problem with you?"  
  
Twitch snorted. "I love singers!!" he proclaimed, starting to drool.  
  
"AAAA!! HELP ME!!" Eloisha shouted, flying across the table to the other side.  
  
"Why don't ask God for some help?" asked Ukulele Peanut. "Maybe he'll make Twitch spontaneously combust." She looked Twitch hard in the eye. "That's what happened to the last kid who came here."  
  
"They're joking, right Mr. Pendanski?" asked Twitch as the counselor was just passing by.  
  
"Nope," said Mr. Pendanski.  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Well, time to get out there and start digging," said Zig Zag. "You ready, Twitch?"  
  
".......uh........"  
  
"Well, who cares?" asked St. No-No lightly.  
  
"Yeah," said Starfish. "Because you're going on there anyway."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
well? btw, someone emailed me and said the following: zero should like eloisha, twitch should like eloisha, and eloisha should like someone else (like zigzag). a big love twisty thingy. whaddya think? eloisha, do u think ur up 4 the job?? plz review!! 


	9. Dude's Revenge Part II, Leah, and Starfi...

eloisha, u may not like this chapter. it has barely any substance. but w/e. i don't care!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The next morning, D-Tent awoke to the melodious sound of somebody screaming his head off.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH--"  
  
"Squid, what is it?" asked Magnet.  
  
"--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--"  
  
"Woah, look at that!" exclaimed X-Ray, pointing towards Squid's cot.  
  
"--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! GET 'EM OFF!!! GET 'EM OUT OF HERE!! HELP ME!! HELP ME!!! YAAAAAH!!!"  
  
"This is rather amusing," said Zig Zag, sitting up on his bed and watching Squid with interest.  
  
By now, you may be wondering what exactly was the matter with Squid. Or rather his cot. I suppose I'll tell you. Wait--before I can tell you THAT story, I have to tell you THIS story...  
  
Back in the days when Squid was a wee young lad, his parents had taken him on a camping trip. To make a long story short, it didn't go by too well. And to make another long story short, Squid's sister thought it would be funny to put lizards in her little brother's sleeping bag. Let's just say that Squid is experiencing... dé ja vue.  
  
Luckily for Squid, the lizards weren't yellow-spotted. However, they were angry enough to bite his feet during the middle of the night. Needless to say, the non-happy-camper was in a bit of pain. At that moment, the boys noticed Zero sitting quietly in his cot, flipping his thumb through a bunch of dollar bills.  
  
"Hey, where'd you get all that money?" asked Armpit, as Twitch The Dweeb left to escort Squid to Mr. Pendanski for some bandages.  
  
"Let's just say I helped out a little friend with my lizards," Zero said, stuffing the dough in his pocket and putting the lizards back in a box.  
  
"Who?" X-Ray demanded.  
  
"Mmm...I don't really feel like telling you."  
  
"C'mon, WHO?!" pleaded Zig Zag, as if he couldn't guess.  
  
"Uh--try to guess. We'll play charades."  
  
"Um...okay..."  
  
Zero grinned. He cupped one hand around his eye, and then rotated the other in a circle, indicating that the hint was a movie.  
  
"A movie?" asked Magnet.  
  
"Yeah, that's what I just said," said Sawyerzelda.  
  
"Shut up and leave us alone," X-Ray said.  
  
Zero continued as Sawyerzelda left and began plotting her revenge against X-Ray. He pretended to take some keys out of his pocket, and then acted as if he was going to unlock a door. Then Zero looked confused. He looked all around him, but couldn't see the imaginary thing he was looking for.  
  
"Um...the...Gilligan's Island movie?" guessed Armpit.  
  
Shaking his head, Zero sat back down on his cot. He put his hands up, as if holding onto a steering wheel, then pressed down on an invisible pedal and sped off. Next Zero hopped of his cot, putting a hand over his eyes and looking right and left.  
  
"Oh!" exclaimed Zig Zag. "Dude, Where's My Car, right?"  
  
"You got it," said Zero.  
  
"So...are you saying that Ashton Kutcher paid you to put lizards in Squid's cot?" X-Ray said slowly.  
  
"Let me finish," Zero said. "Take away the last three words of the title."  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"Oh, of COURSE!" laughed Magnet. "It was Dude, right?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"I guess she still hasn't gotten over Squid breaking up with her yet," Magnet said, attempting to smother a laugh. "Heh heh...HEH HEH HEH!!!!"  
  
"Magnet, stop scaring people," Zig Zag said slowly.  
  
Meanwhile, in the other tent, Dude was laughing maniacally. "IT WORKED!! BUA HA HA!! IT PAYS TO KNOW WHAT YOUR FORMER BOYFRIEND IS AFRAID OF!! NYAH HA HA HAAA!!"  
  
"You evil, sadistic person!" St. No-No shouted. "Some day I'll get revenge on you, Dude!! GRRRR!!"  
  
"Oh, I'm so scared," Dude mocked her.  
  
"Hey, where's Starfish?" yawned Eloisha, sitting up in her bed.  
  
"Wow, she must've gone to breakfast already," said Hammer, getting up out of her cot. "She's not here."  
  
"I thought it seemed a little too peaceful," groaned Ukulele Peanut, sitting up on her cot. "Sigh. Yawn. Snarfblatt."  
  
"That sugar hasn't rubbed off you yet, has it?" Eloisha asked Peanut.  
  
"I don't quite think so. But nowadays it's just random outbursts."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Hey, Starfish isn't here," Dude said, once they all entered the cafeteria. "Mr. Pendanski sir, where's Starfish?"  
  
"Kathy's lawyer came for her last night," Mr. Pendanski said. "She is no longer with us, I'm afraid."  
  
There was a long silence.  
  
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" the D-Tent girls shouted, dropping to their knees in slow motion.  
  
"Um...sorry to depress you," Mr. Pendanski. "But Kathy's lawyer brought another juvenile delinquint with her--this is Leah, everybody." He brought a black-haired girl, who stared blankly back at them.  
  
"....LEAH!!!" Dude shouted, getting to her feet and running up to hug the new kid. "It's been eons since I saw you! Wow, what're you in for?"  
  
"I freed all the animals from the zoo," Leah explained.  
  
"Hey, that's cool!" Zig Zag declared. "I wish that I could've done something like that! It sounds very interesting, really...I'll have to try it sometime! Exactly which zoo was it, Leah?"  
  
"I can't remember," Leah said. "It was just some local zoo I felt like freeing animals from."  
  
"I can easily relate to the wish of animals's freedom," Magnet said. "Maybe you're not such a bad replacement for Starfish after all!"  
  
"HEY!!" reprimanded St. No-No. "Even though Leah is a very cool person, I'm sure, Kathy isn't just one of those people you can brush aside! SHE STILL HOLDS A VERY SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART, OKAY!?"  
  
"I feel for you," Ukulele Peanut said comfortingly, putting an arm around St. No-No's shoulder. "But I'm sure we'll see Starfish again soon. Or maybe I'm lying."  
  
"Hey, do you hear that?" Magnet asked, putting a hand to his ear. "That...really freaky music?"  
  
"I recognize it!" Eloisha said. "It's the flying monkey music from the Wizard of Oz! How odd! Maybe the Warden is playing one of her old records again."  
  
"LOOK, IT'S A HERD OF ANGRY BUZZARDS!!!" shrieked the whole cafeteria, ducking down under the tables.  
  
"Really? Where?" asked Leah. "Hey, there they are! WOO!!"  
  
Faster 'n you can say "There's No Place Like Home," the buzzards picked up Leah and swooped away with her.  
  
Author's Note: For those with weak lungs, kidneys, ears or guts, I suggest that you do not read the following sentences.  
  
"Ew, gross!" said Magnet. "They're pickin' out her eyeballs!"  
  
"How disgusting," Eloisha said, turning away as blood and guts and gore showered all over them. "They're killing her!"  
  
"So much for a new D-Tent member," sighed Ukulele Peanut.  
  
......and Leah was no more.  
  
"I TOLD you they always picked the eyeballs out first," Squid said, coming up from behind them on a pair of crutches.  
  
"D-d-d-d-d-d-did they s-s-s-s-s-s-scare you?" Twitch asked Eloisha in his highly obnoxious voice.  
  
"Not as much as you are," Eloisha said, backing away slowly. "So please do remember to stay within your personal boundaries. It would make me feel a lot more comfortable if you did."  
  
"Hey Mr. Pendanski, where're you going?" X-Ray asked.  
  
"I'd better report to the Warden that the buzzards attacked again," the counselor responded, dashing out of the cafeteria.  
  
"HEY, STARFISH!!!" shouted Armpit, looking out the door and seeing none other than *fish her self running towards them all. "GUYS, LOOK! STARFISH IS BACK!!!"  
  
"Wow, within like ten hours?" St. No-No asked incredulously.  
  
"Mr. Pendanski said you were gone forever!" shouted Magnet and Eloisha.  
  
"See?" Ukulele Peanut said, slapping St. No-No's back (rather roughly). "I told you we'd see her again! I just didn't realize it would be so soon, I guess. But Starfish, did you get a chance to what it's like out there in the real world nowadays? Did you miss us? You missed us, right? Why are you back so soon? What happened? How'd you get here? What's my favorite color? When did I--"  
  
"I think you can stop the random rants, now," Dude said. "Starfish was about to explain everything before you opened that hole in your face."  
  
"No I wasn't," Starfish said.  
  
"....oh."  
  
"But I will now, I guess."  
  
"Yeah, I'd be interested in knowing exactly why you came back to Camp Green Lake," Zig Zag said.  
  
"At first, I was glad to be going home. I thought it would be fun. Get back into civilization, you know? But during the long car drive, I realized how much I missed you all already, knowing how long it's gonna be 'till you guys finish up your sentences here. By the time we--"  
  
"Awwww!" awwed Armpit. "You missed us!"  
  
"Everyone but you," Starfish corrected him. "You stink too much for me to like you, I'm afraid."  
  
Armpit frowned. "You're a poop!"  
  
"....well you're a pee," Starfish said back to him. "Anyway, back to my story: I decided I couldn't stand to have to go through a day without you all with me. I'd have to bear pains on my own, without my friends there to help! So I got some rope out of the glove compartment and tied up my lawyer with it, and then she started screaming so I gagged her, and then we crashed into the truck in front of us, and then that caused us to block up traffic, and then my lawyer told me that I was in 'big trouble, young lady,' and then I--"  
  
"What a lame reprimand," snorted St. No-No.  
  
"Really," Magnet agreed. "My little sister could come up with something better than that, I think."  
  
"Shhh!" Zig Zag shushed them. "I'm missing the story here!"  
  
"Thank you, Zig Zag," Starfish said. "Anyway, I told my lawyer that it was all an honest mistake--just to make her blood boil, y'know--so then she told the cops to send me straight back to Camp Green Lake, and here I am!!"  
  
"Oh, we're so glad!" Ukulele Peanut shouted, jumping up and down. "And in case you're wondering, no. I didn't have Lucky Charms for breakfast- -I just feel hyper again. You just missed something really cool, though."  
  
"Ew, it was gross!" said Squid, who felt like resting on a chair rather than attempt to beat up Dude.  
  
"It was....interesting," Hammer said.  
  
"What was it?" Starfish asked curiously.  
  
"Did you see that girl named Leah who your lawyer came with to pick you up?" asked X-Ray.  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Well, she was supposed to replace you. But to make a short story even shorter, a pack of angry buzzards came, picked her up, and basically devoured her in mid-air. It was, to quote Hammer, actually somewhat interesting."  
  
"EW, that IS disgusting!!" Starfish said, sitting back on her chair. "Squid's the only one who makes sense here!" She turned around. "Speaking of Squid, it appears as if you've gotten Part II of your revenge, Dude! Congrats!"  
  
"Thank you," Dude said, bowing.  
  
"Hey, what's up with yer feet, Squid?" Mr. Sir asked, walking up to the D-Tent table. "Looks purty done bad."  
  
"Dude put lizards in my cot and they tried to eat me alive!!" Squid complained, making his story a little melodramatic.  
  
"You're making your story a little melodramatic," X-Ray noted, just to annoy the author by repeating her. (but, like a good sport, Sawyerzelda decided to ignore him). "You're just trying to get Dude in trouble."  
  
"Well duh," St. No-No muttered under her breath. "AND I WOULD TOO, THAT ANNOYING BUSH-HATING BETRAYING FEIND!!"  
  
"HEY!!" Dude retaliated. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO STOLE SQUID AWAY FROM ME, YOU STINKY BOYFRIEND STEALER!!"  
  
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!?" St. No-No shouted, getting into a rather frightening kung fu postion.  
  
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?!" Dude yelled.  
  
"Please do," Zig Zag said, taking Dude by the scruff of her shirt and throwing her out the door. St. No-No followed soon after.  
  
"Hey, you can feel free to throw ME out the door," Eloisha said, who had been sitting quietly on the bench for the past few minutes.  
  
"Um....that's okay."  
  
"TWITCH!" Mr. Sir suddenly shouted.  
  
"Y-y-y-y-y-y-yes, Mr. S-s-s-s-s-ir?"  
  
"I give you permission to stop all that shuddering! Yer driving me nuts! So either cut it out, or I'm gonna take one of Armpit's dirty outfits and TIE IT AROUND YOUR STUPID HEAD, UNDERSTAND?!!?"  
  
"W-w-w-w-w-w-ould that be a b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bad thing?" Twitch asked Zero quietly.  
  
"Duh," Zero said. "He's not called Armpit for no reason."  
  
Armpit laughed maniacally at his notoriousness, and Twitch immediately ceased his constant twitching.  
  
"Looks as if the fight outside is turning ugly," Ukulele Peanut noted, glancing out of one of the windows. "Ooh, that must've hurt. St. No- No just threw Dude into the empty rain barrel! OHH! And Dude strikes back by body-slamming St. No-No into the hard, dirty ground! OH, AND NOW--"  
  
"Having fun, Peanut?" Squid asked from his seat.  
  
"Yes, why?"  
  
"Guys, guess what the lawyer gave me when I got in her car?" Starfish said excitedly, bouncing up and down.  
  
"A sedative?" Zig Zag asked sarcastically.  
  
"Ha, ha, you're a scream. I had.....brace yourselves.....SIX WHOLE CANS OF CHERRY SEVEN UP!!"  
  
"NOOO, YOU'RE SO LUCKY!!" Ukulele Peanut shouted enviously, abandoning her post by the window. "How did it taste? Was it good?"  
  
"If it tasted bad, do you think I would've had six cans? Hey, no wonder we stopped at the bathroom so many times."  
  
"You kids seem to forget you're here to dig," Mr. Sir said, making them all jump. They'd forgotten he was there. "Yer wastin' your precious dark hours!! So git on out there and start diggin'!"  
  
"Yes sir, Mr. Sir," Ukulele Peanut said, saluting him. She proceeded to take a small piccolo (as if they came in any other size) out of her pocket, and then skipped off as she played a marching tune.  
  
"What, no ukulele?" Magnet asked.  
  
"Mr. Sir, do I really have to go out there and dig?" Squid asked.  
  
"Nope, the Warden decided to let you stay in her cabin for the day," Mr. Sir answered. "You can watch TV, have some soda, pig out on her gourmet food, and then sleep as long as you want to."  
  
Squid was stunned. "Really?!"  
  
Spitting out a sun flower seed, Mr. Sir laughed sourly. "I'm kiddin' ya. Heh. No wonder Dude could pull the wool over your eyes."  
  
"Hey, you can't say that about Squid!" complained Sawyerzelda.  
  
"Oh YEAH?!" Mr. Sir challenged. "WHY NOT?!"  
  
"Because I said so!" Sawyerzelda said. "And don't try arguing with ME, Buster Brown!! I have total control of this story, and I could SQUISH! YOU! LIKE! A! BUG! if I wanted to!! So you'd better do as I say, and leave this poor boy alone!"  
  
"Righto, Gov'ner," Mr. Sir said. Hastily, he sped out of the cafeteria.  
  
"Thanks, Sawyerzelda," Squid said, slowly getting up onto his crutches. "I think Mr. Sir needed that. "But I do think you scared him."  
  
"Well he needs to be scared!" Sawyerzelda said seriously. "And so do you!"  
  
".....and why would that be?"  
  
"Because of what I have in store for the NEXT CHAPTER!! HA HAA HAAAA!! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!!!"  
  
And just like that, the sound of Sawyerzelda's evil laughter vanished. A phone rang somewhere. Hesitating, Squid made his was over to it and was about to pick it up, when he thought, 'Since when is there a telephone in here?!'  
  
Shrugging it off, he picked up the phone. "Hello?"  
  
"YOU HAVE APPROXIMATELY SEVEN DAYS TO LIVE!!" Sawyerzelda's voice yelled into the phone, causing Squid to fall over backwards. "Ah, just kidding."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
yay, joy, another chapter done! plz review, avid readers!! 


	10. St NoNo's revenge, Baby Pink, the troubl...

nora, this is wen u get ur much awaited revenge!! elise, u r gonna b so mad at me!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
St. No-No shook Ukulele Peanut that same night. "Peanut!" she hissed. "Come on, wake up already!"  
  
"All right," Peanut yawned, getting up. "What do--"  
  
"SH!!" St. No-No shushed her. "Everyone else is still asleep! You've got to be quiet! If Dude wakes up while we're doing this, I'll be toastier 'n french toast within the time scheme of .233 and a half seconds!!"  
  
"Not so many words this early in the morning," Ukulele Peanut complained, getting out of bed. "So did you say you wanted me to get Dude's working clothes out of her crate, or something like that?"  
  
"Yeah, I got them for you already," St. No-No answered, shoving the orange clothes into Peanut's hands. Then she gave her a bucket filled with.....something. "Here, take this outside and soak the clothes in it until I tell you to come back."  
  
"But what if I get caught??" Peanut asked worriedly, as St. No-No attempted to shove her out the tent.  
  
"Just go in a hole and no one will see you!"  
  
"Fine, all right!"  
  
"Heh heh heh heh," St. No-No chuckled evilly, rubbing her hands together. She proceeded to pick up a bucket similar to the one she'd given Ukulele Peanut, and walked towards Dude's bed....  
  
The next morning.......  
  
"Bueeeeeeeenos dias," Magnet said, sitting up in his bed and stretching. "I hope you all slept-a veeeeeery very good."  
  
"My foot is in pain," whined Squid, slowly positioning his legs at the end of his dirty stinkin' cot. "I can't believe Dude would go to such evil extents to try and get revenge on me!! What kind of ex-girlfriend is she anyway?"  
  
"Who knows?" Zig Zag said.  
  
"Hey, there's a letter for you here, Zig Zag," said Armpit, picking up a note that had been slid underneath the flap. "Oooooh, it must be from one of the girls!!"  
  
"Not necessarily," Magnet said. "Remember that time I got the note from Hammer's mother and I....oh, never mind, I do NOT want to re-live that horrid memory."  
  
"Give it here," Zig Zag said, taking the letter from Armpit. He walked outside of the tent to avoid their eyes, and opened it.  
  
"To Zig Zag....  
  
Wo AI ni! U r sexy like a pigeon and that is a true compliment. but i don't think i should tell u who i am b/c hammer is supposed 2 b w/ u and i already feel bad about writing this but i had to get it out, u know?  
  
i'm sry. u cannot find me, u cannot trace me.  
  
Signed, a D-Tent girl who isn't St. No-No, Ukulele Peanut, Starfish, Hammer, or Dude"  
  
ZZ stared at the letter, recalling the names of all his female counterparts. The only one not listed was Eloisha. Instead of wondering where this sudden passion came from, he wondered if she had meant to give hersellf away at the end of the letter. But he couldn't think about that right now. Hastily, Zig Zag stuffed the letter in his pocket and walked towards the cafeteria.  
  
"Yo yo yo!" X-Ray said, catching up to him and slapping him roughly on the back. "Who was the note from?"  
  
"I dunno," Zig Zag said. "They didn't sign it." Somewhat truthful.  
  
"Really? Let me see it." X-Ray grinned. "Maybe I'll be able to recognize their handwriting. C'mon, lemme see."  
  
"No," Zig Zag said, trying to quicken his pace.  
  
"Why don't you want me to see it?" X-Ray asked, almost laughing. "Don't be a spoil sport, Zig!"  
  
"Back off!" Zig Zag said, shoving X slightly.  
  
X-Ray gasped at him and there was a long silence. Then he marched up to Zig Zag, pointed a finger in his face, and said, "You did NOT just disrupt my ghetto!!"  
  
"...............whatever," Zig Zag muttered, walking into the cafeteria.  
  
He could feel someone watching him. And sure enough, it was....Starfish.  
  
"Good morning," she said brightly.  
  
"You seem uncharacteristacally glad this morning," Zig Zag said.  
  
"That's because I'M playing the glad game," Starfish said happily, continuing to smile. "It's when you take a bad situation and find the glad side of it. It's supposed to make you a better, happier, nicer person."  
  
Zig Zag stared at her. Starfish's strained smile started to fade away.  
  
".....it's not working, is it?"  
  
"No."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
"What the haystack in the middle of the merry merry month of May?!" Starfish said, hopping out of her seat at the same time as Zig Zag and running outdoors. She gaped at what stood before her. "Dude! You're.....you're.....!"  
  
"MY CLOTHES HAVE ALL BEEN STAINED BABY PINK!!!" Dude screamed miserably. "WHAT IN THE GOOD NAME OF BROOKE L. POTTER COULD'VE HAPPENED TO ME?!?!"  
  
"Gee, I don't know," St. No-No said in a mocking voice, walking up to her arch-nemises. "Maybe--and this is just a guess--maybe it has to do something with you going back on one of your friends by tormenting Squid and tremendously hurting her feelings and she felt the need to get revenge on YOU!!.....keep in mind this is all a guess."  
  
"YOU!!" Dude said, not making the connection at all and rounding on Ukulele Peanut. "YOU HAVE PINK PAINT ON YOUR HANDS!!"  
  
"Hey, don't point fingers at me!" Peanut squealed. "I'm only a co- conspirator! St. No-No is the real villain here!"  
  
"Well duh," St. No-No said.  
  
"I understand that you wanted revenge," Dude whispered, starting to get teary-eyed. "But for the love of secretaries, woman! Did you have to go this FAR?! Look--I'm sorry for what I did to Squid, but I had to! He murdered my pet lizard when I was in third grade and then kept it a secret from me all these years!"  
  
"That's so sad!" St. No-No sniffed, wiping away a tear. "I'm sorry!"  
  
There was a silence.  
  
Dude held out her hand. "Truce?"  
  
St. No-No grinned. "Truce." They shook hands, but then St. No-No frowned. "Uh-oh. This isn't good."  
  
"What?" asked Dude.  
  
"I don't think I can send back the CPB," St. No-No answered, snapping on some earmuffs that completely blocked out all sound. "It's every man for himself, Dude! EVERYONE, THEY SHOULD BE COMING ANY MINUTE!! PUT ON THOSE EARMUFFS I GAVE YOU!!"  
  
Dude looked around in confusion as everyone put on fuzzy earmuffs. "What's going on? What's the CPB?"  
  
"SORRY?" St. No-No asked, putting a hand to her ear. "OH, YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING WHO THE CPB IS, RIGHT?"  
  
Dude nodded.  
  
"IT'S AN ACRONYM! IT STANDS FOR COUNTRY BAND PEOPLE! SEE, BEFORE WE HAD A TRUCE, I HIRED THEM TO COME HERE AND FOLLOW YOU AROUND ALL DAY. BEST START DIGGIN'!"  
  
"You did WHAT?!" Dude asked in horror. She heard footsteps approaching her. She whipped around and saw a cowboy wearing a pink bandana and polka-dotted boots. He touched his hat and started riddling away on a banjo.  
  
"YOUR PLOT FAILED, ST. NO-NO!!" Dude shouted after her. "I THINK BANJOS ARE COOL!!"  
  
Then came the harmonica players.  
  
"AHHH!! NOOOO!! HARMONICAS!! LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU BLOOD-THIRSTY WESTERN PEOPLE!!"  
  
However, the CPB persisted in their playing and followed Dude down to her hole. They stayed there all day.  
  
"Hey, free CPB concert!" said Mr. Sir, who had just gotten out of the water truck. "Where'd you guys come from?" But they were too busy serenading Dude to hear him. Mr. Sir took out a walkie talkie and said, "Lou? Come down here, quick! It's the CPB!! They're giving a free concert!!"  
  
Approximately two seconds later, the Warden drove up in her shiny Cadillac. She opened her car door and proceeded to do-si-do with Mr. Sir. "I haven't had this much fun since we did square dancing in the 4th grade!"  
  
"You TRAITOR!!" Dude shouted over the noise. "How can you possibly like Evanescence and COUNTRY music as the same time?! It's physically-- well, actually mentally--impossible! C'est impossibluh!"  
  
Rather unfortunately for Dude, the CPB did not leave until dusk. Poor thing. I'm so evil, aren't I?  
  
"YES, YOU ARE!!" Dude said loudly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The next day, D-Tent approached Twitch, who had dug about two inches within two hours.  
  
"You know, you're about the slowest digger I've EVER met," X-Ray said. "You're even slower than Caveman, and that has GOT to be a record. He could manage at least double what you've done in the time you've had."  
  
"Great way to lower my self esteem," Twitch sniffed, who was controlling his twitching complex rather well.  
  
"Awwww, that's just too bad, isn't it?" Zig Zag said, patting him on the head rather roughly. "And don't you even think about trying to pick a fight with me. You'd be dead quicker than you can say--"  
  
"PUCCA!!" Eloisha supplied, jumping in the air.  
  
"Uh, yeah, what she said," Zig Zag said slowly. "The point is, Twitch, nobody likes you. You annoy us beyond words. You disgust us, we despise you, your presence is even worse than Armpit's stench, and I really could go on."  
  
"Ohhhhhhh, he dissed you, man!" Armpit laughed. He stopped abruptly. "Hey, that wasn't funny!"  
  
"Why do you wanna hurt me like this?" Twitch said, sniffling.  
  
"You baby," Eloisha muttered.  
  
"B-but I like you, you're nice!" Twitch said.  
  
Eloisha screamed and jumped into Starfish's arms. "STARFISH, HELP ME!!"  
  
"There's only one thing to do," Starfish said, dropping Eloisha. "You'll have to be disposed of, Twitch. You had it coming. You are a ward of the state, correct? I heard the Warden say that."  
  
"Y-yeah," Twitch stammered. "So?"  
  
"So no one will care when you go," Zig Zag said, taking Twitch by the arm and dragging him towards the hole he'd dug yesterday.  
  
"Go where?" Twitch, as he was thrown into the hole. "The bathroom?"  
  
"No, you idiot," Ukulele Peanut said, wrinkling her nose. "That's just disturbing. I could've definitely gone the rest of my life without hearing that."  
  
"But why don't you see the light, Eloisha?" Twitch pleaded, not noticing that the others were all beginning to dump dirt onto him. "Why must you join your fellows and do this terrible thing to me??"  
  
"Because she likes someone else, you perv!" Zig Zag blurted. "Say good-bye, Twitch. Peace out."  
  
And with that, Twitch had been buried into hole five feet deep and five feet in diameter. He was no more.  
  
"Hu-shaaa!" Dude said, high-fiving Ukulele Peanut.  
  
"Man, what an idiot," Peanut laughed. "I guess that means we'll have to keep waiting for someone cool to take Barf Bag's place. First we have Stanley, who had really dorky hair and a messed up attitude, and then we had Twitch, who annoyed everyone with his twitchy presence."  
  
"I noticed that you didn't take place in the digging ceremony, Eloisha," Hammer said, waving a hand in front of her face. "You there?"  
  
Eloisha sighed. "Another one of my fans gone." She walked away, back to the tent. Zero squinted his eyes and walked after her.  
  
"Please tell me your sudden mood change has nothing to do with us burying Twitch alive," Zero said, tapping her elbow.  
  
"Just go away," Eloisha said in a cold, soft way. She turned around and saw Dude doing stag leaps over holes, St. No-No and Ukulele Peanut doing the robot, Armpit doing an Irish jig, X-Ray staring at them all blankly, and Zig Zag and Hammer waltzing about. That was the final straw. "Leave me alone, Zero."  
  
"What're you mad at me for?" Zero asked. Dude screamed in the backround as she stag-leapt right into Magnet's hole, but Eloisha and Zero didn't hear it. She remained silent. "Would at least tell me why you're mad at me?"  
  
"I'm not mad at you," Eloisha sighed.  
  
"Well then what's wrong?"  
  
Eloisha laughed. "Like I'd tell you."  
  
"I wish you would. Even if it's not me, you have talk about what's bothering you to SOMEone."  
  
"HEY!" Starfish said, popping up out of no where and putting an arm around her best friend. "Eloisha has the right to say zero to you, Zero!"  
  
"Hey, I GET it!!" Ukulele Peanut shouted from about a hundred and fifty yards away. "You said zero, and then Zero!! HA HAA!!"  
  
"Quiet, Peanut!" X-Ray shushed her. "St. No-No, I think you'd better go check up on Squid. He's pretty bummed about not being able to join in on the disposing of Twitch The Annoying."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Starfish, I was actually about to tell Zero my problem before you bounded up," Eloisha said.  
  
"Are you saying I'm in the way?" Starfish sniffed.  
  
"No, no, I only meant that--"  
  
"FINE! JUST DUMP ME!! LEAVE ME IN THE GUTTER!! WE USED TO HAVE A PSYCHIC CONNECTION, ELOISHA!! AND YOU'VE SHATTERED IT COMPLETELY!! I'LL BE ALL RIGHT! DON'T FOLLOW ME!!"  
  
Boo-hooing, Starfish ran off.  
  
"Oh, great! Now another load on my mind!" Eloisha sobbed, squatting and wiping at her eyes. "I got a letter from home, Zero! And....and it's...." She sobbed loudly again, pulling a tissue out of her pocket.  
  
"What happened?" Zero asked. "Did somebody die?" Well, he sure is straight forward, isn't he?  
  
Suddenly, Eloisha stood straight and smiled brightly. "Like it? My parents wrote me and said that I get to have the lead in the play the school is producing in two years, when I'll be out of here. I was just practicing for the part because I really need to brush up my acting and I-- Zero?......Zero? Hmmm.....you appear to have fainted."  
  
"AI YA, ELOISHA!!" Zero shouted, getting to his feet. "You scared that freakin' daylights outta me! I was so worried!"  
  
"Awww, how sweet!" Eloisha said. "It's so nice to know someone cares!"  
  
"Woah....did I just say that out loud?"  
  
"Uh, no, I don't think so," Eloisha replied. "You said, 'AI YA, ELOISHA!! You scared the freakin' daylights outta me! I was so worried!!' ....nope, you never said the word 'that.'"  
  
It took a moment for Zero to grasp what she said. He rolled his eyes. "Oi. Never mind."  
  
Meanwhile, Squid was lying in his cot in pain, with St. No-No sitting in a rocking chair next to it. She was reading to him out of one of her favorite books.  
  
"To be, or not...to be?" St. No-No said. "THAT....is the question to ask."  
  
'Help me!' Squid said, shoving his face deeper into his pillow.  
  
In the meantime....  
  
"A weary, red, rickety train rounded the equally rickety ragged railroad," Dude said to X-Ray. "How many R's are in that?"  
  
"Nine," answered X-Ray, grinning. "That's right, right?"  
  
Dude stared at him. "Oh, never mind. You were supposed to say there were none. Zip. Zero."  
  
"Someone call me?" Zero asked, sticking his head into view.  
  
"No," Dude answered, shoving him away.  
  
"But if I said there were no r's, I'd be lying," X-Ray said slowly. "And that just ain't right, girl."  
  
"I asked you how many r's are in THAT," Dude said. "Like, the word. THAT. There are no r's in that word!"  
  
"......OHHHHH!! I get it now!" X-Ray said proudly.  
  
"Dude, you may want these," Magnet said, giving her a pair of earmuffs. "Go ahead, put them on."  
  
"Why, are there some mandrakes nearby?" Dude asked, hesitating.  
  
"No, the Warden and Mr. Sir paid the CPB to come back and play during dinner. I thought you might want some protection this time, so I got you Squid's earmuffs. I shouldn't have taken them, though. I'll bet he could've used them at this specific point in time." He snickered.  
  
"Why?" X-Ray asked.  
  
"St. No-No is reading him Shakespeare," Magnet answered. "Hee hee hee!!"  
  
"Ho, ho, ho!" laughed X-Ray.  
  
"And a couple of la-dee-dahs!" sang Hammer, Ukulele Peanut and Zig Zag, coming onto the scene. "That's how we laugh the day away in the merry old land of Oz! Aaa-ha ha ha!! ha ha ha!! Ha ha--"  
  
"Okay, you can stop now," Dude said.  
  
"Could you even dye my eyes to match my gown?" said Hammer.  
  
"Uh-huh!" Zig Zag answered.  
  
Slowly, Magnet and Dude put on their earmuffs and walked away. X-Ray stayed, tapping his foot to the jolly ole beat.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
a/n:  
  
the wizard of oz!! YAY!! if u haven't seen that, u have had a deprived childhood. 


	11. Paaaaaaaaaaarty and a Lizard who sounds ...

its been so long since ive updated this!! whoaaa! but that was b/c my internet wasnt working and i couldnt update so now i did!! eloisha, i dunno if u'll like this chapter or not cuz its kind of really really random. but w/e.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"GUYS, GUYS, WAKE UP!!" Dude shouted early the next morning. She hopped about to all the cots, whamming their residents with her pillow. "IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE DAY!! WAKE UP!"  
  
"Wha?" Eloisha asked, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "Did you say it was Independence Day?"  
  
"No," Starfish answered. "IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE DAY!!"  
  
"Oh, darn," St. No-No whined. "Another Hannukah came, and I didn't even know! So who freakin' cares about Christmas Eve?"  
  
"Anyone who's not Jewish," Ukulele Peanut answered. "So stop being a silly neener-head."  
  
Dude and Starfish stopped their dancing about to stare at Ukulele Peanut in confusion. "A what?"  
  
"Silly neener-head," Ukulele Peanut repeated. "When I was little, I read a Garfield cartoon where he called Jon a....oh, never mind."  
  
"Hey, do you guys here disco music?" Hammer asked. "It sounds as if it's coming from the boys' side of the tent...."  
  
"HEY, CAN WE COME IN THERE?" Dude shouted, addressing their male counterparts.  
  
"Yeah, we're all un-scandalous," Squid answered from the other side.  
  
The D-tent girls entered the boy's side, and then Dude stifled a laugh. "Oh yeah, I forgot your foot is still broken." She did her little victory dance, and said, "That reminds me: did you guys know what I did last night?"  
  
"No, what?" asked Magnet.  
  
"I re-arranged all the letters in the alphabet!" Dude exclaimed prouldy. "Wanna hear? Okay! X, Z, Q, L, G, R, Y--"  
  
"That's great and all," said Zig Zag. "But I really couldn't care less right now. We're trying to figure out where that funky disco music is coming from."  
  
"Oh, we thought it was coming from in here," Starfish said.  
  
"Do you see any radios or CD players around?" asked Armpit.  
  
"No, but I do see a yellow-spotted lizard about to bite your foot," Eloisha said, pointing to the reptile.  
  
There was a pause. Then the D-tent dudes and dudettes screamed and leapt into the air in unison. With X-Ray leading the way, they flew out of the tent until they were as far away as possible from the tent.  
  
"I think....we eluded....it for now," St. No-No said in-between breaths.  
  
"What's 'eluded' mean?" Zero asked.  
  
"No time to worry about that now," Ukulele Peanut said. "I think that disco music is coming from the Warden's cabin." She walked towards the building. "Yeah, it's getting louder as I walk closer!"  
  
"How odd!" Magnet said in a Minnie Mouse-ish voice. Everyone decided to ignore him until he said, "C'mon, let's check it out." He began to walk towards the house, until Dude pulled him back and said:  
  
"Why walk when we can skip?"  
  
They all linked arms, and Hammer sang the opening note: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh--"  
  
"WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD, THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OZ! WE HEAR HE IS A WIZ OF A WIZ, IF EVER A WIZ THERE WAS! IF EVER IF EVER A WIZ THERE WAS, THE WIZARD OF OZ IS ONE BECAUSE, BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAAAAAAAAAAAAAUSE!!! BECAUSE OF THE WONDERFUL THINGS HE DOES!!"  
  
"Hey, wait for me!" Squid complained, attempting to catch up with his crutches. "No fair, these $%&(*@&#@ are slowing me down!"  
  
"More profanity!" Ukulele Peanut declared, interrupting the D-tent unison of the song. "How rude!"  
  
"Monkey," muttered Armpit.  
  
"How DARE you call Squid a monkey!" St. No-No yelled, from the opposite side of the chorus line. She un-linked arms with Ukulele Peanut and walked towards X-Ray. "You take that back!"  
  
"No way!" X-Ray said, un-linking arms with Armpit and Hammer. "And you know another thing?! Audrey Hepburn is a BAD ACTRESS!"  
  
St. No-No gasped loudly, and then there was a silence. She turned a brick-reddish color. "YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?!"  
  
"YEAH!!"  
  
"Um....guys?" Eloisha said. "We're....we're already outside."  
  
".................oh yeah, I forgot. Which reminds me--we were on our way to the Warden's cabin," St. No-No said, laughing. "Heh heh....heh."  
  
Once they reached the cabin, Ukulele Peanut knocked on the door. "Hello?"  
  
"I don't think they can hear you!" Starfish said, covering her noise from the sound of the loud music.  
  
"HELLO??!" Ukulele Peanut persisted, knocking harder on the door. "Ow, my knuckles are in pain!"  
  
"Well then use your head!" Armpit said.  
  
"Okay," Ukulele Peanut said, tapping her noggin lightly. "Wait....do you mean to 'use my head' as in the Toy Story 2 definition of the expression?"  
  
"Sure, why not?" Zig Zag asked, shrugging.  
  
"BUT I DON'T WANT TO USE MY HEAAAAD!" Ukulele Peanut cried, as D-Tent backed up several yards, holding Peanut out in front of them like a sword. "AAAAAAAAAAAH!!"  
  
"YAAAAAAH!" came the cavalry charge of D-Tent as they ran towards the Warden's cabin.  
  
With the combined efforts of the group (but mostly Ukulele Peanut), they managed to break down the door to the Warden's cabin.  
  
"Yo, what up with breakin' my door?!" the warden asked over the music.  
  
"WHAT?" asked Eloisha.  
  
"WHAT?" asked the Warden.  
  
"NEVER MIND!" they said at the same time.  
  
Suddenly, the music stopped. "HEY!! WHO CUT MY FUNKY DISCO 70'S MUSIC?!" the Warden demanded.  
  
"I did," Mr. Sir said, who had also been in the cabin. "I thought you all might want to be able to have an understandable conversation."  
  
"Well what's up with thaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaat?" asked Squid, who had finally reached the cabin.  
  
"What's up with whaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaat?" asked X-Ray.  
  
"The music stoppin'!"  
  
"We had to talk," the Warden explained. "But anyways, Mr. Sir and I were having a party to celebrate Independence Day!"  
  
"Independence day?!" repeated Starfish and Dude. "It's Christmas Eve!"  
  
"Don't be ridiculous," said Mr. Sir. "I think we would know better than you about what day it is!"  
  
"But....but...." sputtered Dude. "I've kept a calendar! And it clearly states that today is Christmas Eve!"  
  
"See!" Eloisha said. "I TOLD you it was Independence day! You and your stupid Christmas Eve!"  
  
"So I didn't miss Hannukah after all!" St. No-No said happily.  
  
"Yeah, me neither," Magnet said. "Yay!"  
  
"Since you all are here, I guess you can join our party," the Warden said. "You know what they say--the more the merrier!"  
  
"Couldn't agree with you more!" Ukulele Peanut said.  
  
"Hey, can I draw a caricature of you, Mr. Sir?" Eloisha asked. "You can be in it, too, uh....Warden."  
  
"That'd be hunky-dory!" Mr. Sir said, taking a seat on the couch with the Warden. "Is this my good side? I know they're both good."  
  
"Yeah, sit just like that," Eloish said, taking out a notebook and pencil that she just happened to have on her person. "Wow, Mr. Sir--I never noticed what a pointy nose you have! How extraordinary!"  
  
"Is that an insult?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Hey, Ukulele Peanut, turn the music back on, wouldja?" the warden said. "And Magnet, get those chips and sodas out of the closet."  
  
"Can do, ma'am!" the two of them said, both setting to their seperate tasks.  
  
"WOW, I LOVE THIS SONG!!" Dude shouted, once Peanut turned the ear- splitting music back on. "STAYIN' ALIVE!! STAYIN' ALIVE!! WOOOOOO!!!"  
  
Mr. Pendanski marched over to D-Tent. "Rise and shine, boys! Today we're going to continue digging our--hey, where'd everybody go?" Confused, the counselor walked over to the girls's side of the tend. "You girls here?" Raising an eyebrow, he went back into the boy's side of the tent and then came to an immediate halt.  
  
A yellow-spotted lizard was seated on Armpit's pillow. "Hello, Mr. Pendanski," it hissed in a very reptilious fashion.  
  
".....YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! A LIZARD IS TALKING TO ME!!!" Mr. Pendanski screamed, throwing his arms up in the air. "SOMEBODY CALL A PSYCHIATRIST!!"  
  
"You don't need a psychiatris, Pendanski," the lizard sighed, sounding very much like Williem DaFoe. "I'm just a dead guy talkin' through a lizard here. No need to be scared at all."  
  
"YOU'RE A DEAD GUY TALKING TO ME THROUGH A LIZARD!!" the hysterical counselor yelled. "HOW CAN I NOT BE SCARED!?"  
  
"Because I'm gonna tell you where D-Tent is!" the lizard said.  
  
"Oh, okay." Mr. Pendanski waited patiently for the lizard to continue.  
  
"They're in the Warden's cabin partying," the lizard went on. "It's a holiday, you know, so the warden decided to have a little party."  
  
"Really? I've gotta go!" Mr. Pendanski hurried towards the end of the tent, then said, "But would you mind getting out of the tent? You might scare the boys when they all get back."  
  
"Oh, they've already seen me," the lizard called to the counselor as he left the tent. "But I'll leave anyway."  
  
"Elvis, pelvis!" Ukulele Peanut said, back at the Warden's cabin, doing a very typical disco move.  
  
"Elvis pelvis?" asked Squid. "Where'd you get that?"  
  
"My old gym teacher," Ukulele Peanut answered. "When she was teaching us about the different bones in the body, that's how we'd remember the name of the pelvis. By rhyming it with Elvis!"  
  
"But Elvis wasn't in his prime in the disco generation!" X-Ray said. "He was a freak at the point!"  
  
"Yeah, but Elvis was always wiggling his pelvis," St. No-No said. "But that doesn't exactly explain the disco move your teacher taught you to go with it."  
  
"Hey, don't ask me," Peanut said. "I'm only a student!"  
  
There was a knock on the cabin door. "Hey, I think someone's knocking," Magnet observed. "Or maybe it's just my imagination. It must be."  
  
"There, I'm done," Eloisha said, beaming and showing her picture to Mr. Sir and the Warden.  
  
"Oh....I'm....anime," Mr. Sir said blankly, blinking.  
  
"Oh, it's to die for, Eloisha!" the Warden exclaimed, taking the picture and sliding it into a frame. "This will go on my wall of fame! Good work Eloisha!"  
  
"It's not that good," Eloisha said oh so modestly.  
  
"Stop fishing for compliments!" St. No-No said, whacking Eloisha on the head with a book of Shakespeare.  
  
"Ow, what was that for?!" Eloisha asked, standing up and proceeding to chase St. No-No about the room.  
  
"Hey, someone IS knocking on the door," the Warden said. She opened it. "Mr. Pendanski? What're YOU doing here?"  
  
"I heard there was a party, so I came to join it!" he answered.  
  
"Sorry, no dorks allowed," Dude said.  
  
"Yeah," the Warden said. "Goodbye."  
  
"But wait!" Mr. Pendanski pleaded. "I was sent here by a lizard who sounded like Williem DaFoe! It is my FATE to be at this party!"  
  
The Warden stared at him. She slowly began to close the door, saying, "You are a sad, strange little man."  
  
"Eloisha, I think you've gotten your revenge now," Hammer said, trying to pry her off of St. No-No.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so," Eloisha said, standing up and dusting herself off. "Sorry for crushing you into the floor like that."  
  
"No problem," sighed St. No-No, pushing her glasses back on her nose. "No harm was done. I just hope I didn't hurt you."  
  
"Nope," Eloisha answered. "And my glasses--which are WAY cooler than yours--are fine too."  
  
"Hey, my glasses are cooler than yours!" St. No-No said. She flew at Eloisha, attempting to strangle her.  
  
"I'll settle this," Ukulele Peanut said, stepping in-between the two of them. "I have the coolest glasses."  
  
"No, I do!" X-Ray argued.  
  
Screaming with rage, Eloisha and St. No-No pulled them two of them into their dust cloud of fighting on the floor.  
  
"Whoo, glad I don't wear glasses," Zig Zag laughed.  
  
"Yeah, me too," Magnet laughed.  
  
The party lasted late into the night, and it was a much needed break from digging for our little D-Tent friends. And as for the lizard who sounded like Williem DaFoe.... well, maybe Mr. Pendanski was imagining things.  
  
After all, he HAD just watched Finding Nemo.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
a/n: hope that was ok ppl! eloisha, u r much 2 hard 2 plz. grrr.  
  
btw, nora--our english essays r due 2morrow. just 2 let u know, since u werent in school today. HA HA HA HA!!! 


	12. Ellen, Bubbles the Monkey, and late Chri...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
X-Ray sat up in his cot the next morning. "Yawn....well guys, today's the day."  
  
"Christmas?" Magnet asked.  
  
"No, stupid," Squid muttered. "We clarified yesterday that this is July, not December. Today is the day that we're going to be all serious and stuff like that. No more random outbursts."  
  
"But they can't be helped," Zig Zag protested. "What's Ukulele Peanut going to do? The sugar hasn't worn off yet!"  
  
"We can't be random in the last chapter of a story!" Armpit barked.  
  
A hushed silence fell over the room.  
  
"No," whispered Zig Zag.  
  
"What?" asked x-RAY.  
  
"NO!!!" Zig Zag shouted. "WE DON'T HAVE TO STAND FOR THIS!!"  
  
"Then sit down," joked Magnet. Zig Zag ignored him.  
  
"I've been having TOO much fun in this story to stop it now!! I'm going to take this to the warden!!" He stormed out of the tent across the desert to the Warden's isolated little cabin.  
  
"Hey, why not take it to me?" the utterly perplexed Sawyerzelda said.  
  
"Because YOU are the reason this is happening to us!" Zig Zag replied. He turned around and continued on his way.  
  
"Hey, I wouldn't go there if I were you," Sawyerzelda warned. "There's a big fight goin' on over there. The D-Tent girls already went to check it out, and I think they're going to get into trouble."  
  
"In...trouble??" Zig Zag repeated. "THEN I MUST RESCUE THEM!! I AM OFF, GOOD AUTHORESS!"  
  
"Not that kind of trouble!........ah, whatever."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*  
  
"Everyone listen to me!" Dude said, climbing on top of a sofa and standing up. "We don't have to stand for this!"  
  
"Then sit down," joked Ukulele Peanut. Dude ignored her. (a/n: repetiton of jokes isn't good, I know...but it couldn't be helped).  
  
"Dude's right!" said the Warden. "We should listen to Ellen and just-- "  
  
"Ellen?" asked Zig Zag, coming into the cabin at that exact moment. "Who's Ellen? Ellen who? WHO'S Ellen? Who is ELLEN? Ellen IS who???"  
  
"Okay, I think you've asked that question in every way possible," Hammer said, trying to get her boyfriend to shut up. "Anyway, we were talking about Ellen DeGenres. ELLEN DeGenres. ElLEN DeGENRES."  
  
"STOP!" St. No-No cried, whacking herself on the head. "The point is, Zig Zag, that Sheryl Crow was appearing on Ellen's TV show, and she said that Michael Jackson poked his pet monkey Bubbles in the stomach with ball point pens! Just to keep him from 'misbehaving!'"  
  
"Animal abuser!!" Magnet shouted, entering the cabin with the rest of the D-Tent boys who had followed him. "That is just TERRIBLE!!"  
  
"Isn't it though?" the Warden asked.  
  
"What's so upsetting about it?" asked a voice that come from outside. "It's just a monkey. And why do you listen to Ellen DeGenres?"  
  
"Because she's on TV," Ukulele Peanut answered, in a voice that indicated the answer was obvious.  
  
"Hey, who're we talking to?" Eloisha asked.  
  
"Wo bu zhi dao," Dude said, shrugging ("I don't know").  
  
"NO!! STOP!!" Starfish cried. "STOP TALKING IN CHINESE!!!"  
  
"I think it sounds nice," said the mysterious voice from outside the house. "Please, keep talking."  
  
"No, DON'T keep talking," Armpit begged.  
  
Dude swiveled around to face him. "You disgust me!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Ni you fei chang pang you ben," Eloisha answered, smirking ("You are extremely fat and stupid"). She and Dude erupted into a fit of hysterical laughter. The others laughed, too, even though they weren't sure why.  
  
"Why are you all laughing?" asked the disembodied voice.  
  
"Who IS that??" Ukulele Peanut cried, pulling on her hair.  
  
"I don't know!" whimpered Starfish, also pulling on Ukulele Peanut's hair.  
  
"Can I answer that?" asked the voice. There was a knock on the door. "Someone is here to see you."  
  
St. No-No went to the door and opened it. She gasped loudly. "TWITCH??"  
  
"Yeah, it's me," he said, walking into the cabin. "But I'm not the one who was talking."  
  
"Then who was?" asked the warden. But her question was unheard.  
  
"How are you still ALIVE??" demanded Zero. "I thought we buried you! You were supposed to die!!"  
  
"Yeah, what happened to our insidious plan?!" St. No-No asked.  
  
"Our what plan?" X-Ray asked, nonplussed.  
  
"Quiet, you co-conspirator!" St. No-No said back. "I am trying to interrogate the twerp! ANSWER MY QUESTION, you BAKA!!"  
  
"Hey, baka!" Dude said. "That means idiot or something in Japanese, right?"  
  
"I thought you were taking Chinese," Twitch said.  
  
"DON'T TRY TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!!" Zero shouted. Everyone stared at him. "What, don't I have a right to be loud sometimes?!"  
  
"I guess," Starfish said, shrugging. "But Twitch, stop avoiding the question!"  
  
"What question?"  
  
"Yeah, what question?" asked Eloisha. "I forgot already."  
  
"HOW did you survive what we did to you?" Zig Zag reiterated.  
  
"Oh, it was easy. I dug my way out with my hands. Impressive, aren't I?"  
  
"Ew, you're a dork," Eloisha said, pinching her nose.  
  
"Hey, why are you pinching your nose?" St. No-No asked. "Is it because Armpit took off his shoes? OR....or....is it because you are attempting to hide the fact that your glasses SMELL BAD?!"  
  
"Not with the glasses again," Dude sighed, rolling her eyes with exasperation.  
  
"Twitch just smells bad," Eloisha explained in a nasal voice.  
  
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight," the Warden said, laughing. "Hey, Twerp--I mean, Twitch... what's that box you're holding?"  
  
"Oh, this old thing? I figure it's a treasure chest or something."  
  
"OOOH, SHINY STUFF!" Starfish said, her eyes all-a-sparkle. "Can I see? Please???" she whimpered.  
  
"Who let the dogs out?" Twitch snorted.  
  
"TWITCH, NO one likes you!!" Ukulele Peanut yelled. There was a confused silence. "Oh, c'mon! Don't tell me that all of you thought that was random! ..... Because it--wasn't!"  
  
"Don't try to hide your weirdness, please," St. No-No sighed. "Hey, Twitch! That box has--has Stanley's name on it!"  
  
"Stanley who?" asked Ukulele Peanut. She gasped. "You mean you think that the Stanley Cup is in it??"  
  
"No, she means Stanley Yelnats," said Zig Zag, stepping closer to the twitching Twitch. "It's got his name on it....oh, you guys remember Stan! Caveman!!"  
  
"Oh yeaahhhhhh!" Magnet laughed. "You mean the dude who spontaneously combusted?"  
  
"Yeah, that's him. C'mon, let's open!"  
  
"NO, LET ME HAVE IT!!" the warden yelled. The D-tent members stared at her with bemused looks. She had gone so long without saying anything, that had practically forgotten she was there. "I WANT THAT BOX RIGHT NOW, YOUNG MAN!!"  
  
"Um, okay," Twitch said, giving her the box.  
  
"Yes, YES!!" the Warden shouted. "Wishes DO come true!!"  
  
"I wish that you would give me that box," Eloisha said.  
  
"....and then some wishes don't." The Warden yanked on the lid to the box, but it did not open. "Drrrrrratted lock!" she cried. "Armpit, you're fat and strong! Help me open this thing!"  
  
"Yo, I'm stronger than Armpit," Zig Zag chuckled. "This dude is all fat." He punched Armpit in the stomach. "See? He didn't even feel it."  
  
"Feel what?" asked Armpit.  
  
"Exactly."  
  
St. No-No grabbed Squid's crutch and whacked the fire place with it. She looked up the chimney suspiciously and whacked it again.  
  
"Dude, what're you doing?" asked Eloisha.  
  
"Nothing," Dude answered.  
  
"She MEANS St. No-No," Twitch said.  
  
"Thanks Twitch," Eloisha said.  
  
"Oh, anything for you!"  
  
"In that case, please run away." Eloisha narrowed her eyes and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Run away....and never come back."  
  
"You mean you don't want me here?" Twitch asked.  
  
"Must I repeat myself?" Ukulele Peanut asked. "No one likes you!"  
  
Boo-hooing, Twitch ran out of the room and across the dessert, never to be seen again. He ran all the way to Africa, got chased by hyenas, met a meerkat and a warthog, got a new motto, killed his evil uncle, got counseled by a monkey, and lived the rest of his life on a really big rock.  
  
But that's more information than you needed.  
  
"Yes, it was," X-Ray said.  
  
"Hey, that sounded a lot like the Lion King," Ukulele Peanut said.  
  
".....nothing gets past you, does it?" St. No-No asked. She gave Squid back his crutch. "There's something kooky up your chimney, warden."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I dunno, I was trying to get it out. It looked like a black boot to me."  
  
"Do you mean to tell me that someone is trying to SNEAK DOWN MY CHIMNEY?!" the Warden erupted. "WHO'S UP THERE???!"  
  
"Me," came a voice.  
  
"That helps," muttered Starfish.  
  
"Hey, it's him!" said Magnet. "The voice from before!"  
  
And then, right before their eyes, a fat man in a large red suit fell down the chimney and into the fireplace.  
  
Unfortunately for him, Hammer and ZigZag had just finished starting a fire.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH-OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!"  
  
"Hey, that sounded a little like Eliza DoLittle," remarked St. No-No.  
  
"Eliza Who-little?" asked Ukulele Peanut.  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"Mr. Sir, is that you?" asked Dude. "Why are you dressed like Sant Claus?"  
  
"Mr. Sir I am not," said the man. "Nor am I on pot."  
  
"Um.....okay," said X-Ray. "Are you trying to tell us that you're Santa?"  
  
"In the flesh. How ya doin? Have you been a good boy this year, Rex?"  
  
"That's a stupid question," muttered Dude. "If he was a 'good boy,' he wouldn't be at Camp Green Lake."  
  
"Ahhhh, but that's the thing," said Santa. He turned to the Warden. "Miss, it is of my understanding that this camp has not been approved by federal dudes. That's not a good thing. I don't want to have to put you on my naughty list, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to if this behavior continues."  
  
"NOO!!" cried the Warden, getting on her knees. "PLEASE don't put me on the naughty list, Santa!!"  
  
Santa shook his head wisely. "Fear me, 'warden'. God and I are watching you all the time."  
  
"You know God?" asked Eloisha. "Personally?"  
  
"Sure do," answered Santa. "Hey, you must be Eloisha!! I've heard all about you."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Cool!"  
  
"Look, Kringle!" said St. No-No. "I'm curious. What do you plan on doing with me? I'm Jewish. I don't believe in you. I think you're a big hallucination and that we're only seeing you because we're so....hot. You're a mirage."  
  
"Perhaps," Santa said. "I could help that, though. But before I do, I think I'll be nice and give you a favor with that box." He nodded towards the chest with Stanley's name on it.  
  
"Oh, would you, Santa??" Zig Zag asked. "We're so curious to know what it is!"  
  
"HEY, RUDY!!" Santa called up the chimney. "GET ON DOWN HERE!"  
  
Everyone gasped as a skinny little reindeer fell down the chimney. He sneezed and coughed up soot.  
  
"Ohhhh, you're SO cute!!" Eloisha cried. "I have to draw you! But I don't have any paper!!"  
  
"I can fix that," Santa said, talking out his bag and giving Eloisha some paper and Faber's drawing pencils. "Sketch away."  
  
"Oh, thank you Santa!!" Eloisha said, drawing the tiny animal in front of her.  
  
"Rudolph!" Santa barked. "Activate--laser nose!!"  
  
Obediently, Rudolph stuck his nose in front of the lock on the box. A laser beam suddenly shot out from where his nonstrils should've been, and melted the lock. The warden excitedly ran to the box and opened it. She gasped.  
  
"Baseball cards!"  
  
"What?? BASEball cards?!" Starfish asked. "That's so ludicrous!!"  
  
"What a waste, and THIS is what I have been looking for my entire life!!" the warden cried.  
  
"Hey, if you don't want 'em, I'll take them," Santa said. "I'D like a present every once in a while."  
  
"YOU CAN HAVE THEM!!" the warden sobbed.  
  
"Gee, thanks! Oooh, Mickey Rooney! I can get good money off of these!"  
  
"Well, I still think you're just a mirage," St. No-No said.  
  
"As you wish," Santa laughed, scooping up Rudolph and heading back to the chimney. "But take a look outside, would you?" And with that, he suddenly disappeared.  
  
Dude ran to the door and opened. "GUYS, IT'S SNOWING!!!"  
  
"SNOWING?!" D-Tent yelled. They rushed to the door to see for themselves. "But this is Texas, how is it possible?!"  
  
"We don't even get RAIN here!" St. No-No said. "This is phsyically impossible!"  
  
"Physics can't stay in the way of Santa!" Eloisha said, throwing her drawing on the couch and running outside. "COME ON, LET'S HAVE A SNOWBALL FIGHT!!"  
  
"I think I'm gonna cry," Zero said, grinning and wiping away a tear.  
  
"Happy happy day!" Armpit laughed, making a snow angel that turned out to look like a huge shapless blob.  
  
"Well, I didn't exactly manage to make this chapter serious," sighed Sawyerzelda. "I've failed as an author."  
  
"No you haven't, buddy," Ukulele Peanut said. "You've joined the Christmas Spirit! Just too bad that--"  
  
"SEE!?" shouted Dude. "I TOLD YOU TODAY WAS CHRISTMAS!!"  
  
"AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!" shouted St. No-No. "....and Hannukah."  
  
~THE END~ 


	13. Going Home

this is my epilogue. yeah, i decided 2 write it. hope u like it. plz review!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"This is nerve-wracking," muttered St. No-No. "I can't believe they shut down our home."  
  
"It's rather unsettling, isn't it?" asked Zig Zag, squeezing Hammer's hand. "I haven't seen my parents for ages. I bet they won't like the way I've turned out, thanks to Camp Green Lake. Oh well."  
  
"At least we all live close to each other, right?" Ukulele Peanut said cheerfully. "I mean, things could be a lot worse. We could all live so far away, we'd never see each other again!"  
  
There were murmurs of agreement.  
  
In case you couldn't already tell, Camp Green Lake had been closed down. The snow had buried the Warden's car, then her cabin exploded for no apparent reason. The FBI investigated, and then closed the camp. All the children were being sent home.  
  
"On the plus side, we didn't have to ride on a bus," Eloisha said. "Or the subway. I can't stand either of them. The best part about riding a train is the lack of seatbelts."  
  
"We're on a train?!" Starfish asked, standing up.  
  
"Wow, someone's attentive today," X-Ray sighed, rolling his eyes.  
  
"DON'T YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME, BUSTER!!" Starfish shouted.  
  
"I ROLL MY EYES ANY TIME I WANT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!" X-Ray yelled back.  
  
"People, stop your yelling," Dude said. Everyone stared at her. "What? Screw the yelling and start SCREAMIN' YOUR HEADS OFF!!" Leaping into the air to join the fist fight that had started between X-Ray and *fish, Elise did not notice a bag of sugar she'd been holding fall out of her pocket.  
  
"Why were you keeping a large bag of sugar in your pocket?" asked Armpit. But Dude didn't hear him. "HELLO?!"  
  
"Hey!!" St. No-No cried. "Eloisha, help me keep Ukulele Peanut away from the sugar!! She's eating it!!"  
  
"This--is no--time--to be eating--sugar!!" Eloisha growled, trying to pull Peanut off of the sugar (St. No-No was yanking on the bag, trying to get it away from Peanut at the same time).  
  
"Nooooo, it's MINE!!" Ukulele Peanut protested (a/n: sry 2 depict u like this, caroline. i hope ur not insulted).  
  
"I wonder what's going on over there?" one of the train passengers muttered to the person next to her.  
  
"I haven't the slightest idea."  
  
Suddenly, Ukulele Peanut and St. No-No lost their grip on the bag o' sugar at the same time, causing it to fly into the air....and land promptly on the two people who were discussing their actions.  
  
"Peanut, see what you did?!" Eloisha cried.  
  
"Actually, it's Dude's fault," commented Magnet.  
  
"Yeah," Armpit agreed. "SHE was the one toting around a bag of sugar. Without her, none of this would've happened."  
  
"Hey, you're RIGHT!! LET'S GET DUDE, EVERYONE!!!" St. No-No shouted rather uncharacteristically. "YAAAAAAAH!!"  
  
"Excuse me," came a voice. "But is this your bag of sugar, by any chance?"  
  
St. No-No turned around and gasped in shock. Silence echoed through out the whole train.  
  
"What's the hold-up?" asked X-Ray, one arm around Dude's neck (choking her) and his other hand grabbing Starfish's hair.  
  
"It's MERYL STREEP!!" St. No-No cried in desperation. "I'm so sorry our sugar flew on top of you! It--I promise it won't happen again!!"  
  
"It couldn't," said Streep's little friend. "You seem to be out of sugar."  
  
This time it was Dude's turn to gasp. "Guys--WE'RE RIDING IN THE SAME TRAIN CAR AS DREW BARRYMORE!!!"  
  
"Um, hello, I'm right here," Drew said, feeling a little awkward.  
  
"What're you guys doing here?" Armpit asked ignorantly. "I mean, shouldn't you be in New York, or Sunset Boulevard or something?"  
  
"Actually, we came to visit Bennifer," Meryl replied. "They told us they'd be having their wedding here, and we wanted to crash."  
  
"But then they called off the wedding, so we caught the train back to town to the airport which will take us home," Drew said. "Where're all you kids from?"  
  
"Camp Green Lake," Squid answered. "It just got closed down, so all the kids are getting sent home."  
  
"Hmmm....Camp Green Lake," Meryl muttered. "That doesn't ring a bell, I'm afraid. Oh well."  
  
"Hey, can I have your autograph?" Eloisha asked, pushing past Dude to Meryl Streep. "I just saw you in Death Becomes Her a while ago, and I thought you were very funny. HEE HEE!!"  
  
"Uh, sure," Meryl answered, taking out a pen and signing Eloisha's sleeve.  
  
"Could you sign my other sleeve?" Eloisha asked Drew, who obliged. And suddenly, everyone in D-Tent was asking for an autograph from the two stars (except Armpit, who didnt' know who Meryl Streep was, for which St. No-No and Dude bashed him over the head).  
  
As Drew Barrymore and Meryl Streep began cleaning up the sugar, Zig Zag muttered to Starfish, "I thought you didn't like Streep. Why did you ask her for her autograph?"  
  
"Because she's famous," Starfish answered, cackling evilly. "Maybe I can hawk this someday for a lot of cash!!"  
  
"I should've known that," X-Ray sighed, rolling his eyes. Again.  
  
"HEY!! ARE YOU ROLLING YOUR EYES AT ME AGAIN, BUSTER BROWN?!" Starfish demanded.  
  
"Oh no," sighed Meryl Streep, ducking behind a fellow pedestrian's train seat.  
  
"Here we go again!" cried Drew, preparing herself for an attack of more sugar or other foods.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"MOM!! DAD!!!" Starfish cried, running off the train and into her parents' arms (awwwww!!) "AND....Tommy. Um, hello."  
  
"Oh, we're so glad you're back, Kathy!" (a/n: uh-huh, sure. jk, kathy!)  
  
"PARENTS!!"  
  
"NORA!!"  
  
"CASEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"  
  
"MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!"  
  
And, so on and so forth. Eloisha turned and saw Zero still standing on the train. She pulled herself out of her mother's grasp and walked towards him. "Zero, what're you doing? Where are your parents?"  
  
"Oh, *sniff*!" sobbed Elisha's mother. "Our little Elisha is already ALL GROWN UP!! OHHH!!!"  
  
"I don't have a dad," Zero muttered. "And I don't know where my mom is. I'm just going to keep riding and get off when I feel like it."  
  
"But....but you couldn't think of a thing like that!" Eloisha protested, tears welling up in her eyes. "You.....you just couldn't!"  
  
"Couldn't I?" Zero asked. Eloisha jumped when he suddenly flew on top of her and Drew Barrymore and Meryl Streep walked off the train.  
  
"Sorry," Drew apologized, helping both of them watch. "But you two were making me cry! Just stay here, Zero. It was....MEANT TO BE!!"  
  
"But I don't have anywhere to stay," Zero said. "I told you, I don't know where my mother is... she could be dead, for all I know."  
  
Meryl Streep firmly took his hand. "In that case, Drew and I are going to hire a whole detective agency to help find her!!"  
  
"Um....we are?" Drew asked. Meryl shot her a withering look. "Oh, uh-- of course we are!! Ha...ha ha!! Don't worry, kid. With us, you can't fail! We'll have you reunited with your mom in no time!! Yeah.... all we need to do is buy an extra plane ticket for you, so you can come with us."  
  
"Wow, really?" Zero asked.  
  
"Sure, why not?" Meryl asked. "But we'll have to hurry, if we're going to buy you a ticket. And if they're sold out, we can always stuff Drew into my duffle bag."  
  
"Ha ha."  
  
"Thanks for doing this, guys," Eloisha said.  
  
"No need to thank us," Drew laughed. She saw a yellow cab starting to approach them. "Hey, TAXI!!!! TAXI, C'MERE!!!!!!!!!! Bye, everyone!! And don't worry, we'll send Zero back where he belongs once we find his mom!"  
  
"Bb Yy Ee!!" called Eloisha.  
  
"BBBYYYEEEE!!!!!"  
  
"Dear, we heard what happened to Stanley," Casey's mother said. "And we know you must be very depressed."  
  
"What, about Caveman?" Hammer asked. "Don't be stupid--and I got your letter, anyway. I know you knew. By the way, meet my new guy--Zig Zag. Well, his real name is Ricky, but Zig Zag just sounds better, don't you think?"  
  
"Which one is, um....'ZigZag'?" her mother asked.  
  
"That one. The guy with the cute hair standing with the lady in the rather ugly blue dress."  
  
"Oh, he's HOT!"  
  
"Mo-om!!"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Guess what we did while you were away, Jose?" Magnet's father said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"We bought you a puppy!"  
  
"WOW, REALLY?! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!"  
  
"And guess what else? School starts tomorrow!"  
  
Suddenly there was a silence throughout the station.  
  
"...........NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"  
  
~the REAL end~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: well, thats it. i hope u all liked reading this, cuz i liked writin' it! bye bye!!! sry things couldnt work out between u and zigzag, eloisha. AND U HAD BETTER REVIEW, OR ELSE!!! 


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